Updated: May 26, 2020
As I navigated the grocery store with my three little ones, all under the age of four, it became a familiar refrain: “Wow, you’ve got your hands full.” I would smile politely, accustomed to the comment. Managing the chaos of shopping with three young children was challenging, but it was a necessity I embraced.
As one of my children grew older, it became increasingly clear something was amiss. Outbursts emerged from nowhere, a compulsive urge to touch everything around, and a penchant for intentionally crashing into things. Running errands or even engaging in playdates turned into a daunting task. Out of sheer desperation, I decided to invest in a toddler carrier, opting to wear my child as much as possible. Little did I know that this decision would open the floodgates to judgment.
I’m not one to seek validation from others, nor would I have changed my choice. Wearing my child was the best decision for both of us, providing essential sensory input and comfort. It alleviated my worries about my child’s impulsiveness, especially in potentially dangerous situations. Yet, despite my resolve, the judgment I faced became tiresome. Unwelcome advice from strangers quickly wore on my nerves.
For instance, during a routine lab appointment, I only had one child with me, as two were at school. I strapped on the carrier and secured my child, both of us feeling comfortable and content as we entered the building. However, when the lab technician summoned me, she scrutinized us and asked, “Can’t your child walk?” I was taken aback. What if my child couldn’t walk? Her comment felt both unprofessional and rude. When I didn’t respond, she added, “You can’t carry them forever.” Clearly, she was one of those who judged parenting choices without understanding.
As she prepared for the procedure, she continued with her snide remarks about baby-wearing. I calmly explained, “My child has special needs, and using the carrier is the safest option. We are in a lab, not the best environment for a child to be crawling around.” She fell silent, unable to retort without appearing even ruder.
When running errands like visiting the library or pharmacy, I would have my child nestled on my back, contentedly playing with my hair or singing. Yet, there were still encounters with other women who would approach us, asking pointed questions like “How old is your child?” followed by unsolicited comments about the carrier. “That would hurt my back. Doesn’t that give you a back ache?” Their inquiries lacked any friendly conversation, often leading me to hear, “How much does your child weigh?” as if that would somehow justify my parenting choices.
After facing this repeatedly, I developed a rehearsed response. I would smile and say, “No, it doesn’t hurt my back. Look at how happy my child is!” Then I’d turn to my kids and say, “Let’s go!” effectively brushing off their ignorance. Engaging with their judgment was not something I was interested in.
While curiosity about parenting choices is natural, interrogating a mother and child with the intent to judge is unacceptable. It’s worth noting that children can hear these negative comments. The disrespect towards my parenting choices was frustrating, but what was truly disheartening was the negative perception directed at my child, who was still in diapers. It pained me to see my child receive such harsh judgments for simply being themselves.
I didn’t feel it was necessary to share my child’s medical background with every rude inquirer. My decision to baby-wear my child was non-negotiable. Over time, I realized that many special needs are not immediately visible, which leaves children vulnerable to assumptions from strangers. It’s essential to understand that a child’s needs don’t disappear with age or size.
Even if a parent has a typically developing child who enjoys baby-wearing, that’s entirely valid too. Baby-wearing offers numerous benefits, such as keeping parents’ hands free, promoting emotional closeness, and ensuring safety in various environments. If some parents choose not to wear their child, that’s perfectly acceptable as well. What matters most is what works for each family.
Just because we may not understand another person’s choices doesn’t mean those choices are wrong. The Golden Rule should apply to all parenting decisions, including baby-wearing or using strollers. After all, parenting is already a challenging journey without unsolicited opinions complicating things.
For further insights on parenting and related topics, take a look at this enlightening post on home insemination. You can also explore more about pregnancy and parenting at NICHD, a valuable resource. Lastly, for those interested in home insemination, BabyMaker offers expert guidance.
In summary, it’s vital to respect each parent’s choices, especially when it comes to those with special needs. Baby-wearing can be a thoughtful and beneficial practice, deserving of understanding rather than judgment.