As I sit at my kitchen island in my cozy sweats—my go-to work-from-home outfit during this pandemic—I sip my coffee while practicing sight words with my kindergartner and assisting my second grader with phonics. Suddenly, my phone buzzes with urgent messages:
- “The Governor has canceled school for the rest of the year! I’m in tears.”
- “Wow, this is it. I knew it was coming, but it still hurts.”
- “I’m not sure how I will survive the summer. I might need to take a leave from work.”
Before long, I received the automated call and texts from the school confirming what I already knew. I hadn’t even checked my town’s social media, where parents were already sharing their grief over the uncertain future—whether schools would reopen in the fall and when our lives filled with barbecues, weddings, and nights out would return. The weight of what we’ve lost is palpable, and I understand this grief all too well.
At 19, I was thrust into a different kind of uncertainty when my mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). Initially, her condition progressed slowly, but over time, I witnessed her transformation from a vibrant, independent woman to someone struggling with mobility and vision. It was heartbreaking. Growing up as a first-generation Indian American, I was used to my mother hosting lively gatherings filled with laughter, food, and music. Suddenly, that life felt distant as her illness took hold.
The challenges of planning significant life events began with my law school graduation. While my friends eagerly booked brunches and dinners for their families, I received a call from my mom in a rehabilitation center, unsure if she’d be able to attend. I desperately tried to hide my disappointment, but she sensed it and reassured me of her pride. Miraculously, she made it, but I witnessed firsthand the toll her illness had taken.
Unfortunately, a few years later, she couldn’t travel with me to India to shop for my wedding attire. I stood in a bustling store in New Delhi, surrounded by brides and families, feeling overwhelmed with sadness. My mother’s diagnosis had altered our lives in ways I’d never anticipated.
Now, as the COVID-19 pandemic sweeps across the nation, I find that the feelings of despair my friends are experiencing resonate deeply with me. I’ve lived through this upheaval before. The unpredictability and fear of the future are unnerving. Surprisingly, my experience with my mother’s chronic illness has imparted valuable lessons on navigating life amidst hardships.
Lessons Learned
First, embrace the joy of planning family vacations or buying theater tickets, but understand that cancellations may occur due to circumstances outside your control. Living with chronic illness teaches you to accept uncertainty while still holding onto hope. If plans go well, celebrate like I did at my graduation. If they don’t, as with my wedding shopping, allow yourself to feel the disappointment, but remember that acceptance can soften the blow.
Second, lower your expectations and appreciate what you do have. My mother may not have been there in India, but she was alive, and many people miss out on witnessing joyous milestones due to their loved ones’ health issues.
Lastly, release any guilt you carry for being healthy when others are not. Recognizing and appreciating your blessings can be a source of strength in difficult times.
Last weekend, we gathered in my parents’ backyard, maintaining a respectful distance. The warmth of the spring sun enveloped us as my children played soccer. My mother, smiling from the deck, watched as we enjoyed her delicious homemade pakoras. Later, I rode bikes with my kids, listening to their joyous shouts. In that moment, I felt grateful to my mom for teaching me resilience.
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In summary, living with the challenges of a chronic illness has equipped me with the tools to navigate the turbulent waters of uncertainty that COVID-19 has brought. By embracing hope, lowering expectations, and appreciating our blessings, we can find ways to thrive even in difficult times.