As my son prepares to embark on his college journey, I reflect on my parenting style, which I’ll call “Selective Denial.” For years, I’ve held on to the belief that my sweet boy would remain untouched by the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and anything else that could lead him astray. However, as the reality of college life looms, it’s clear that I need to step up my game.
In light of this, I’ve compiled a list of essential advice that I intend to share with him casually—perhaps while adjusting my glasses for that extra touch of parental wisdom. Here’s how I envision our conversations unfolding:
Conversation Highlights
Son: Is there anything to drink?
Me: Just remember, you don’t have to drink just because everyone else is.
Son: What’s your deal?
Me: Always arrive together and leave together. Safety in numbers.
Son: Got it.
Me: And never accept a drink from someone you don’t know. Get your own.
Son: Seriously?
Me: Understand that shots can cloud your judgment and make it harder to say no.
Son: Are you listening to another podcast?
Me: Just a reminder—never be the most intoxicated person in the room.
Son: Who are you even talking to?
Me: If you think twerking sounds like a good idea, it’s probably time to step back.
Son: Can you quit it already?
Me: When the mood shifts from fun to uncomfortable, it’s time to call it a night.
Son: Mom, please!
Me: If you or someone else is in a bad state, don’t make it worse. Keep a clear head when it comes to decisions about sex.
Son: Oh my God!
Me: The same goes for tattoos—make sure you’re not under the influence.
Son: Can we not?
Me: Always make sure your ride is sober before getting in the car.
Son: I’m out.
Me: Use the crosswalk like I taught you when you were little.
Son: (stomps away)
Me: If you’re uncertain whether to call for help, just do it. No one sleeps off a tragedy.
Son: (slams door)
Me: Remember, the “walk of shame” is real. Clean up after yourself!
Reflecting on this, I think I might be onto something new—let’s call it “Blurt Parenting.” If it proves effective, perhaps I’ll write a book on it. If not, I’ll have to devise a new strategy for our younger child. Wish me luck on this journey!
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In summary, as my son heads off to college, I’m committed to sharing crucial advice about alcohol and safety. My hope is to equip him with the knowledge to navigate the challenges of young adulthood wisely.
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