A few weeks ago, I shared a post on my blog’s Facebook page about our family’s transition to homeschooling while juggling work from home. I aimed to illustrate how everything felt blended together—work, family, and school. However, the responses revealed that my experience was far from universal.
I was taken aback by how many women commented that their partners were working from home but not contributing to homeschooling. One woman shared that her husband retreats to the bedroom and shuts the door, leaving her to manage the education of their five children while maintaining her full-time job. I found these comments shocking.
In 2020, I had hoped that the responsibilities of home education would be shared more equally between genders. However, a recent poll by The New York Times supports what I observed in those comments. It turns out that women are shouldering the majority of the homeschooling responsibilities amid the coronavirus lockdowns. Interestingly, fathers have a different perspective; nearly half claim they spend more time on homeschooling than their spouses do, while only three percent of women agree with that assessment. A staggering 80 percent of mothers report that they dedicate more time to homeschooling than their partners.
It’s important to note that this was a poll, not an extensive study. Researchers didn’t observe families or require parents to track their time spent on homeschooling. Instead, they posed a straightforward question to 2,200 Americans in April: “Who is spending more time homeschooling your children or assisting with distance learning?”
When analyzing this poll alongside the feedback I received, the disparity is evident. However, instead of launching into a tirade against men, it seems that the core issue is a misunderstanding of each other’s contributions.
I admire the 43% of men who believe they are doing more than their partners regarding homeschooling. Personally, I acknowledge that my wife, Sarah, is doing the bulk of the work. Our situation is unique: I juggle two jobs—one at a university and another writing articles like this one—while Sarah, who works at our children’s school, has seen her workload drop significantly from 40 hours a week to about 10-15. Thus, she has more time available to assist with homeschooling.
That said, when my job transitioned to a remote format, I became overwhelmed and made a poor choice: I isolated myself in a room, preoccupied with adapting to the changes and anxious about job security. During this time, Sarah took on the responsibility of homeschooling our three kids alone. It wasn’t long before I noticed her struggling and, upon asking her what was wrong, she pointed out that she couldn’t manage everything by herself.
That moment was a wake-up call for me; I realized I had been neglecting my family while consumed by my work anxieties. That evening, we devised a plan to tackle homeschooling together. I would focus on our 13-year-old son, who needed less direct assistance, while Sarah handled our two younger daughters, who required more one-on-one engagement. Later in the afternoons, after my work settled down, I would help with the girls if needed, while Sarah managed her job responsibilities.
I’ll admit this arrangement isn’t perfectly equal; Sarah still handles more due to her flexible schedule, while I have more working hours. In many households, this imbalance is inevitable. The key takeaway, however, is the significance of communication and planning with your partner to ensure both voices are heard and to avoid assumptions about who has greater burdens. The new challenge of homeschooling alongside remote work should be a team effort.
So, friends, take the time to openly discuss homeschooling responsibilities with your partner, reach a compromise, and find ways to contribute. This is how partnerships should function, regardless of the circumstances, including COVID-19. For more insights on navigating parenting in these times, check out this post on our blog.
Summary: The article discusses the disproportionate burden of homeschooling during the pandemic, primarily falling on women, despite many fathers believing they contribute equally. The author shares personal experiences and emphasizes the importance of communication and planning between partners to balance homeschooling responsibilities.