I never imagined we would find ourselves in such a situation. How could I have? Yet, despite this realization, I deeply regret that circumstances are not better for you.
I feel remorseful for not being prepared for this reality. There was no plan for how we would navigate months at home, without school, activities, or the playdates that used to fill our days. We’re doing our best with what we have — frequent online deliveries and plenty of extra screen time. While you might find some enjoyment in that, I’m sorry I can’t provide more.
I apologize for not having answers to all your questions. You have so many, and as your mom, I wish I could satisfy your curiosity. However, there are things I struggle to explain at your tender age, and some questions I simply can’t answer.
It pains me to see you missing your friends at school, with the only interactions you have being through a screen. I regret that I’m not adept at arranging these virtual meetups for you. My social media is filled with images of your friends enjoying Zoom lunches and FaceTime hangouts, appearing so joyful. Yet, that’s not the reality in our home, and I often shy away from organizing them. Perhaps the fault lies more with me than you, and for that, I’m truly sorry.
I’m truly sorry that I’m here all day, working from home, yet unable to engage with you. In the past, being home meant our time together, but now you know I’m in the house but not with you. I hear your laughter from another room while I’m busy with my clients. It breaks my heart when I hear you call for me or ask, “Mama, are you done working now?” I apologize for avoiding you during the day to spare us both the disappointment.
I’m regretful that I’m not the parent I aspire to be. Perhaps I felt this way before the pandemic, but it’s magnified now. My patience is thin, and anxiety runs high due to the current state of the world. You and your dad often bear the brunt of my stress, and I’m sorry for that.
I apologize for telling you not to hug your father when he comes home from grocery shopping. I can only imagine how confusing it must be for you to adapt to this unnatural behavior. The joy you used to feel when greeting him has turned into something I dread, as I fear that hug could bring illness.
It hurts to know you can’t hug your grandparents. Throughout your life, we’ve encouraged you to be close to them, and now we tell you to stay away. It’s contradictory and bewildering. We’ve tried to keep in touch through FaceTime and visits from a distance, but I know it doesn’t make sense to you.
Above all, I’m sorry for feeling sorry. Logically, I understand that much of this is beyond my control and something we all must face together. I recognize our privilege compared to others and want to focus on the positives of this unexpected time together. Yet, that’s not always easy to do, and for that, I apologize.
For further insights into navigating this new normal, you can read more on our blog here or explore essential resources on pregnancy and home insemination, like this one from Healthline. For those considering home insemination, the Make a Mom site provides excellent kits to assist you.
In summary, I want you to know that I am doing my best during these challenging times, and while I may falter, my love for you remains unwavering.