It wasn’t solely my postpartum depression that influenced my feelings of despair; it was the overwhelming sense of isolation, profound loneliness, and the feeling of being nearly invisible. Many new stay-at-home parents might echo similar sentiments, but could anyone validate those emotions? Wasn’t everyone else in the same boat? After all, most people go to work, interact with coworkers, and spend their days in an office. They don’t engage in deep conversations about life, share philosophical insights, or discuss their triumphs and struggles, right? This seemed especially true for men, who often lack social support and return to the office while their female counterparts typically remain at home.
Back in 2016, I felt my situation was far from unique. There were weeks when I went without speaking to another soul. Days and weeks would pass without seeing anyone. My daily routine was dictated by nursing, napping every couple of hours, pumping, and cleaning—life became a whirlwind of responsibilities that kept me firmly inside my home.
“Going to work isn’t social interaction; I only go to work and I don’t talk to anyone about my life. I’m lonely,” my partner would argue.
“Interaction doesn’t require friendship. People use their voices to communicate; they even look at you while they’re doing it,” I countered. “This isn’t some privilege I have that you don’t. Sure, we’re all lonely, but you’re not isolated like I am. There’s a key difference.”
Fast forward to 2019, I was now a stay-at-home mom of two. While my mental health had improved since 2016, I still felt largely cut off from the world. My ability to see friends dwindled, and getting out of the house was a challenge, especially with a toddler and an infant. Everything changed a few months ago when I found myself isolated, not just in my own home, but under a government mandate. Suddenly, everyone was in the same boat.
My partner, who had left me overwhelmed and alone with our newborn back in 2016, was now required to stay home due to work restrictions. At first, it was wonderful. He spent more quality time with our children and me. He was able to complete his work and, instead of wasting time on Reddit, he was present. It felt amazing—until it didn’t.
Then one day, he said something that struck a familiar chord and broke my heart. He expressed how much he enjoyed working from home but admitted that it was challenging. When I asked why, he echoed the very words I had spoken years ago.
He mentioned feeling isolated, missing social interactions, and the camaraderie of his coworkers. He lamented the absence of those small moments that make us human—like laughter, eye contact, and genuine conversations. And for the first time, he understood what I had been trying to articulate since 2016.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I instinctively exclaimed, “Exactly! This is what I’ve been trying to tell you for years!”
Self-isolation became a reality for many just a few months ago, but for countless others, including myself, it has been a long-standing experience. You can feel isolated without being in quarantine. You don’t need validation from the workplace or societal norms to recognize the challenges you’ve faced. If your experience resembled mine, albeit without the added Clorox, know that I see you. I understand the additional weight this situation brings.
Some may argue that the feelings of isolation experienced by stay-at-home parents are not unique and that many people lack connection, but I believe this perspective is myopic. For me, it has been a continuous cycle of feeling trapped within four walls with no one else.
Now, at last, my partner understands what I’ve been living through.
For more insights on partner roles during this challenging period, you can check out our post here. If you’re navigating your own journey into parenthood, consider visiting Make A Mom for valuable resources. The CDC also offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the pandemic has shed light on the isolation many stay-at-home parents feel, an experience that often goes unnoticed until others are forced to confront it. My partner’s newfound understanding of my struggles has been a bittersweet reminder of the long-standing challenges I’ve faced.