My eldest child just endured another day of online classes. He despises school and the idea of sitting in a classroom for hours is unbearable for him. Instead, he thrives on being active, hitting the gym, and engaging in hands-on work. For the past few years, he’s taken on roles as a plumber’s assistant and has even balanced two jobs at times, all by his own choice.
As he nears his senior year, he has no intentions of heading to college, and honestly, I’m overjoyed for him. While I would support his decision to pursue college or a technical school if that was his desire, it’s clear that it isn’t. My husband and I both attended college, and we started saving for our kids’ education with the assumption that they would follow a similar path. Yet, parenting teaches you quickly not to make assumptions about your children’s goals and aspirations. When they enter their teenage years, it becomes crucial to release those expectations unless you want to face a constant uphill battle.
I could insist that my son pursue college and take charge of his future, even though he’s about to be an adult and has made it clear what he wants to do with his life. Alternatively, I can choose to support his decision and embrace the benefits of not sending him to college—it certainly has its advantages. We won’t have to deal with the endless paperwork, the stress of writing college essays, or managing the financial implications of his education.
I’m not just referring to the potential debt we’d incur if he went to college (which is significant enough). The thought of sorting through various loans, figuring out our eligibility for aid, and scrambling for scholarships and grants is overwhelming. He won’t have to squeeze college applications into his already packed schedule. Sure, I would be there to guide him and remind him to act quickly if he wanted to apply to a traditional college, but since he doesn’t, I’m ready to embrace this newfound freedom. After all, such moments are rare in the parenting journey.
He has done his homework. He aspires to enter the plumbing trade and understands he can graduate high school and launch his career without accruing debt. It’s a straightforward choice for him; he has a plan. And contrary to what some might think, just because he’s not going to college doesn’t mean he’ll be living in my basement until he’s 35, waiting for life to happen. He is focused and knows what he wants. Reflecting on my own teenage years, I didn’t have that clarity; I followed the crowd, hoping everything would just fall into place.
Additionally, we recognize that he can choose to attend college at any point in the future if he changes his mind. Not going straight to college after high school doesn’t mean he’s forfeiting that opportunity. This is the beauty of allowing him the space to explore his options on his own. He won’t look back and feel that he was pressured into a decision he didn’t want. I couldn’t bear the thought of that.
What I can accept is that he is following his own path and developing his own opinions on his future, with the freedom to shift directions if he chooses. All parents have dreams for their children. A few years ago, when it became evident that traditional schooling wasn’t a fit for him, I let go of those preconceived notions. Expectations can lead us into trouble. What matters most to me is my son’s happiness. While some may view my support as a lack of belief in him, it’s quite the opposite. I trust him when he says college isn’t for him. I believe him when he expresses excitement about graduating high school and leaving behind a life that doesn’t resonate with him. I believe him when he states he looks forward to working, as I’ve never seen anyone more dedicated than he is over these past few years.
I’ve witnessed the joy his job in trades has brought him, and who am I to hold him back from living his best life simply because society dictates that college is the logical next step after high school? What feels right for one person may not feel right for another, and I refuse to battle him on what feels authentic to him. It’s his life, not mine, and honestly, I don’t have the energy to change his mind—it would be a losing effort.
So, while many students and parents prepare for college next year, my son and I will likely be exploring apartments or condos. He’ll be thrilled to wake up every day and head to a job that he loves, where he feels capable, skilled, and can work with his hands. The greatest reward of allowing him to carve his own path is knowing he is genuinely happy. No expectation, scholarship, school, or degree can compare to that.
Isn’t happiness what we ultimately want for our children? How fortunate he is to discover it so early, instead of wandering off course because he feels pressured to do what is “expected.”
For more insights, check out this engaging article on the topic. And if you’re considering options for family planning, you can find quality resources at Make a Mom. Additionally, for parents navigating pregnancy, visit March of Dimes for excellent guidance.
In summary, my son has chosen a path that aligns with his passions and strengths, and I couldn’t be happier for him. Supporting his decision not to attend college allows him the freedom to pursue a fulfilling career in the trades, avoiding debt and setting him up for a bright future.