When I first encountered the idea of crafting a life I wouldn’t need a break from, I thought, “That’s impossible for me.” As a full-time provider and often a single mom to three energetic boys, I was constantly juggling responsibilities—planning family activities, solving problems around the clock, and being the emotional anchor for my household. It felt overwhelming.
However, I couldn’t shake the thought: what if this concept could actually work for me? It seemed too enticing not to explore. I’ve made significant strides toward creating a life that feels like a continuous escape. Here are five transformative changes I implemented:
1. Embraced Help from Others
I used to underestimate the truth behind the saying “it takes a village.” I often felt that accepting help was a sign of weakness, as if I was admitting I couldn’t handle things alone. But when I started to accept offers of assistance, everything changed. My children began learning from diverse experiences, from trying new cuisines with neighbors to picking up Spanish with our Costa Rican friends. They formed strong bonds with their grandparents through regular visits. Studies have shown that grandparents who engage with their grandchildren tend to live longer. So, the next time someone offers to take your kids for a bit, say yes—it’s a win-win.
2. Stopped Justifying My Choices
I used to feel defensive when others questioned my parenting choices. The unsolicited advice was relentless, from family, friends, and even strangers. One day, I decided to stop engaging with those who challenged my decisions. If someone pressed me during a conversation, I’d simply state, “This works best for my family,” and change the topic. Remarkably, the unsolicited advice dwindled, and the emotional burden lifted. I realized that others’ opinions didn’t define my parenting abilities. I know my family dynamics better than anyone, and I learned to trust my instincts.
3. Created a New Day of the Week
When my boys were three, five, and seven, I often felt confined by my routines. Work and childcare consumed my life, leaving no room for hobbies or self-care. So, I instituted “Freedom Days”! The rules are straightforward: each Sunday, everyone is free to do as they please, as long as it’s solo. Basic house rules still apply, of course—no fighting allowed! One Sunday, I painted for 12 uninterrupted hours, and it was liberating. Soon, Sundays became the highlight of our week—an opportunity for creativity, relaxation, or solitude. The expectation-free atmosphere became something we all looked forward to.
4. Redefined Our Idea of Normal
I took a hard look at the household rules I had imposed, many of which were based on societal expectations or fear of judgment. For example:
- Old Normal #1: Family meals must occur around the table. The stress of rushing home to prepare a meal only for my children to take a single bite was exhausting. Now, we opt for easy meals during the week—leftovers or quick fixes like grilled cheese—and enjoy more intricate family dinners on weekends when we’re less rushed.
- Old Normal #2: Extravagant birthday parties are a must. With my three boys born just weeks apart after Christmas, planning big parties was a source of anxiety. Now, we request experiences instead of gifts from family and friends. This year, that meant a spa day with me, a skiing adventure with Dad, and movie nights with relatives. These experiences create cherished memories and are anticipated all year without the stress.
5. Encouraged Independence
The sooner my children learn to manage tasks independently, the less I have to do for them. I undervalued this approach for too long. I taught them how to do laundry, use the oven, and even manage small purchases online by the age of 10. While I genuinely enjoy caring for them, witnessing their growing self-confidence and eagerness to learn has been even more rewarding. There’s still work to do, but we’re making great progress.
Ultimately, I adapted the phrase “Create a life you don’t need a vacation from” to something more attainable for us: “Build a life you love.” This mantra is now displayed in our kitchen as a daily reminder to embrace help, refine our choices, redefine our norms, and trust in our parenting.
For more insights on parenting and personal growth, check out this blog post over at Home Insemination Kit, or visit Make a Mom for expert advice on home insemination. Additionally, Science Daily offers excellent resources on pregnancy and fertility.
Summary:
In this article, Jessica Lark shares how she transformed her hectic life as a single mom into a fulfilling existence that feels like a vacation. By accepting help, stopping the need to justify her choices, creating a new day dedicated to freedom, redefining normal family practices, and encouraging her children’s independence, she crafted a life she loves.