Some days, I truly wonder if I can keep it together. Those days are filled with shouting and tears—lots of tears. It often feels like I’m caught in an endless cycle of frustration, accompanied by quiet pleas for my own sanity. As I glance upwards, silently reciting the Serenity Prayer, my kids shoot me questioning looks, as if to say, “Has Mom finally snapped?”
On these challenging days, I find myself begging my children to sit quietly and tackle their work independently, just so I can squeeze in a moment to catch up on my own tasks. I plead with them to stop bickering and instead enjoy each other’s company. After weeks of constant sibling interaction, my older son, Jake, is at his wit’s end, while my little girl, Sophie, is ready to dive into yet another round of her favorite game.
These days, I am juggling two demanding roles: a full-time employee and a full-time caregiver. I hop off a work call and immediately switch gears into teacher mode. I assist Jake with his assignments, carefully following his educational plan. I set up his organizational tools and create a step-by-step guide to help him navigate his tasks independently, just like his aide would do. I even let him take breaks when he needs them, just as his classroom teacher would.
Then I move on to Sophie’s distance learning tools on her iPad. Is her assignment in One Note or Teams? Why do these worksheets always seem to play hide-and-seek? Did I check the class emails from earlier? Oh no, why isn’t this link working? Did we miss today’s class chat? What is her password again?
As I juggle work emails that demand my attention, I’m acutely aware of the ticking clock. At 1:00 p.m., I retreat to my “office” for a telehealth session, running therapeutic groups for the next two hours. My kids know not to disturb me during this time, but they still manage to slip notes under the door: “Can I use my iPad now? I’m hungry. When can you help me? Sophie is bothering me!”
I’m torn between my responsibilities to my clients and my children, both of whom deserve my full attention. It’s a constant struggle, and I find myself feeling stretched thin, operating as two different people in one body.
Like so many parents, I’m both physically and emotionally drained. Balancing work and family life during these times feels unsustainable, and I dread what the summer might bring. Yet, amidst the chaos, I find a strange sense of normalcy. This overwhelming experience is eerily similar to my life before the pandemic.
Before all of this, I was already exhausted. My mental load was heavy, and I often felt overworked and underappreciated. I was living a dual life as a dedicated mom and a committed employee. While I don’t want to downplay the current challenges, they feel like an extension of the daily grind I’ve been navigating for years. It’s as if I’ve been preparing for this chaos all along.
What’s truly unsettling is how little my emotional landscape has changed. I still rush through mornings preparing meals, dealing with laundry, and packing school bags before heading to work. I dash out to pick up one child from an activity only to rush across town for the other. Evenings are a blur of making dinners, packing lunches, and helping with homework.
I’ve answered school calls during client sessions and left work early for urgent doctor appointments. My weekends are consumed with grocery shopping and cleaning. I’ve caught myself reciting my “mental list” aloud, ensuring I meet everyone’s needs, even though I’m not alone in this journey; I have my partner, Mike, by my side. Still, I struggle to prioritize my own well-being.
I’ve realized that I need to stop expecting myself to be superhuman. The pressure to do it all has built up over time, and I suspect many moms feel the same way. There’s simply too much to handle, and it never seems to end.
If there’s one lesson I’ve learned from these trying times, it’s that I must start prioritizing my own needs in my daily “mental list.” Self-care isn’t just about a quick getaway; it’s about making significant changes to my lifestyle. I’m not superwoman; I’m just Emily.
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, a mother shares her struggles with feeling overwhelmed while balancing work and parenting during the pandemic. She recognizes that the chaos she faces is not new but rather a continuation of the challenges she encountered before COVID-19. The article emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-care and acknowledges the need for lifestyle changes to cope with the demands of motherhood.