In this ongoing series, a dedicated stay-at-home mom shares her experiences as her youngest daughter embarks on her senior year of high school and navigates the college admissions landscape. Alongside her daughter’s journey, she reflects on her own impending transition into an empty nest and contemplates her future now that her role as a full-time caregiver is nearing its conclusion.
For me, August has always marked the winding down of summer. The sun sets a little earlier each day, back-to-school ads flood the airwaves, and fall decor starts to appear in stores. This August, however, carries an even deeper significance. My youngest child is gearing up for her final year of high school, and in just a year, I will find myself navigating the world as an empty nester, at least part-time, as she heads off to college.
Eighteen years ago, I made the choice to leave my position as managing editor at a small New York publishing firm to embrace the role of a stay-at-home mom. At that time, I already had a three-year-old daughter and was four months pregnant with my second. I had grown disenchanted with my job and, living in New Jersey, I began to realize that a two-hour daily commute plus parenting two children would be incredibly challenging. I had managed with one child, but two felt overwhelming.
My husband and I were uncertain about living on a single income, yet we took a leap of faith—I would stay home for one year, dedicating myself to my newborn, and then look for a new position that would hopefully be more fulfilling and closer to home. “Just one year,” I reassured my husband on the eve of my resignation.
That one year stretched into two, then five, then ten, and ultimately, eighteen. During financially tight times, I contemplated re-entering the workforce. I attended interviews and even received a few job offers, but I continuously hesitated. Despite the financial strain—I acknowledged how fortunate I was to even have a choice—I cherished my time at home. I became actively involved in my daughters’ elementary school, launched a small nonprofit, and eventually returned to my roots in writing, contributing freelance articles to a local newspaper. I even self-published three novels and had essays featured on various websites. Each year, I pondered whether I should return to work, yet I always found reasons to stay home.
My youngest daughter has required my unwavering attention. When acquaintances ask why I don’t work, I gently clarify—I don’t work outside the home. This conversation usually arises at social gatherings. I explain that my daughter is my job, and indeed, she has needed every ounce of my time and energy, even during school hours, and especially when she’s home.
But now, she’s preparing to leave. We toured colleges last year; she has crafted her list. She’s completed her SATs and ACTs, requested recommendations from two teachers, and detailed her extracurricular activities. She’s excited for college but equally anxious. She doesn’t like being away from home, not even for a sleepover at a friend’s house. She thrives on routine but is eager to meet new friends, manage her own schedule, and find a new place to call home.
I’m eagerly assisting her with this significant transition into adulthood. I couldn’t be prouder. The pivotal question for her is where she will embark on this new journey. Will it be the small college across the country that offers innovative block scheduling? Perhaps the liberal arts state school where she felt an immediate connection during her campus tour? Or the larger private college just a four-hour drive away, boasting diverse major options? What will her life look like a year from now?
And then there’s the question looming over me: What will I be doing this time next year? What’s my path forward? Many of my friends have returned to work, most full-time. Some juggled jobs while our children were in elementary and middle school, relying on a mix of daycare and babysitters until their kids could be left alone. Although it was challenging then, they are now reaping the rewards—they’ve advanced their careers, taken on promotions, and stepped into more demanding roles. Others returned part-time after years at home, while some went back to school for advanced degrees to re-enter the job market. I’ve done none of this.
Will I dive back into the workforce? Should I seek part-time or full-time work? In this competitive job market, will I even find something suitable? Would it be wiser to volunteer in an area I’m interested in? Or should I take time to adjust after my daughter leaves? Should I explore new ventures or stick with what I know? Writing novels is something I could continue indefinitely, but is that enough?
At 47, after dedicating 21 years to raising my children and giving them my all, my time is on the horizon. But what does that future look like?
It’s the beginning of the end for both of us.
For additional insights into navigating life changes, check out this post on our blog. If you’re considering home insemination options, you might find helpful resources at ACOG and Make a Mom.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, a devoted stay-at-home mom shares her journey as her youngest daughter approaches her senior year of high school. As they both prepare for significant life changes, she contemplates her own future after years of parenting and the challenges of re-entering the workforce. With emotions running high, she explores the uncertainties of motherhood and personal identity.
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