The lockdown period has offered a unique opportunity to bond with family. I’ve discovered my son’s talent for building LEGOs solo, my daughter’s artistic skills are even more impressive than I realized, and my partner has become quite the adept car mechanic. The dog? Still adorable, yet utterly useless.
However, spending so much time together has also magnified each other’s less-than-stellar qualities. While I may have sensed their shortcomings before, the constant togetherness has made them impossible to ignore. For instance, I’ve come to realize my kids are exceptionally terrible at taking walks. Picture a mix between a sloth and a feral cat, combined with a blind cow, stumbling through a hilly area without sidewalks—that’s what it’s like to go for a walk with them. It’s nearly impossible to describe how frustrating it is.
You might think I’m exaggerating, but allow me to recount our latest walking adventure.
I attempted to get the kids excited for a stroll around 11:00 a.m. They were not having it and kept suggesting other activities. This pushed our walk back several hours, landing us out in the sweltering heat. Classic parenting moment: I knew this would lead to chaos, but I went ahead anyway. I’m available for life coaching, if anyone’s interested.
After a solid 10 minutes of coaxing them to put on their shoes and finding the dog’s leash, we finally set off on our expedition. My son insists on wearing flip-flops for walks—an obviously awful choice, but he pitches such a fit about real shoes that we cave. He also loves walking on curbs like they’re balance beams. This wouldn’t be a problem if he had any sense of balance at all.
We barely make it past our neighbor’s house before he trips on the curb and takes a hard tumble. His sandals fly off, and he begins to cry. After some persuasion, we get him back on his feet, but he continues to whine about how “ouchy” his shoes are. Just one house later, I notice he’s put his sandals on incorrectly. How do you even manage that? I fix them, shaking my head in disbelief.
We have a miniature dachshund and learned that our new neighbor has two that look strikingly similar. My daughter was excited to see them, but of course, they weren’t home. She handled it like a champ—by sitting on the ground and crying. At this point, we were only four houses away from home, it was scorching hot, and both kids had already shed tears. Being the sensitive parent I am, I told them to toughen up and keep moving.
They walk at a snail’s pace. In fact, I’m pretty sure a snail almost overtook them once. While it’s true that kids walk slower than adults, I’ve seen other children move at a reasonable pace. My kids, however, take the tiniest steps imaginable, resembling a majestic Paso Fino horse, but with zero speed or grace. Their curious minds don’t help either; they constantly stop to gawk at anything mildly interesting and, unlike typical kids, they remain frozen there instead of resuming their walk.
My son trips twice more and loses his shoes four times. They both freak out over a “scary bug,” and we linger by a sewer drain for five minutes because they’re convinced a crocodile is lurking inside. When I insist we keep moving, they act as if I’ve spent the whole day promising them the chance to pet a crocodile.
Finally, we reach the spot where we can feed the ducks—the only highlight of the walk for them. Naturally, there are no ducks.
We turn around to head home. Jimmy only loses his shoes one more time, and Sadie wonders aloud why I’m making her endure these walks. We nearly lost the dog, who kept getting stepped on. After what felt like an eternity, we arrived back home having covered a mere ¾ of a mile. Ah, the joys of family time!
Despite how exasperating it is, I’ll keep up these walks because it’s good for them, and clearly, they need the practice. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a walk—by myself. I heard there’s a crocodile in the sewer that I’d like to visit.
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Summary
The challenges of family walks can be overwhelming, especially when kids struggle to keep up. From multiple shoe mishaps to distractions along the way, these outings often turn into a test of patience for parents. Despite the chaos, walks are essential for children’s development, and parents must keep persevering for their health and well-being.