Last year, my son entered middle school, and like many parents, I was filled with anxiety about this significant transition. I fretted about puberty, social dynamics, and the myriad of experiences that awaited him—everything from cliques and crushes to the pressures of increased academic demands. However, no one warned me about the overwhelming focus on the honor roll.
From the very first week, discussions about the honor roll filled the air. His peers and teachers alike buzzed about it, emphasizing that to qualify, students had to maintain a 90 average, while the coveted “Principal’s Honor Roll” required a 95 average. The school proudly displayed lists of past honor roll recipients throughout the hallways, reinforcing its importance.
I’ve always tried to instill in my son the idea that while grades matter, they aren’t the sole measure of success. What truly counts is effort and enjoying the journey of learning. Yet, my son, being naturally competitive, became fixated on earning a spot on the honor roll after hearing all the hype. It turned into a personal challenge—how could he secure that “win”?
At first glance, this external motivation seemed beneficial. His hard work paid off, as he achieved a 95 average across all four semesters and made it onto the Principal’s Honor Roll each time. He even gained admission to a magnet program due to his diligence.
However, the honor roll experience took a toll on both of us. Any dip in grades sent him into a tailspin of stress. He found himself losing sleep and obsessively monitoring his grades online, often able to recite his averages down to the decimal.
The honor roll became a source of anxiety, and I grew increasingly concerned about its impact on his mental health. Over the summer, we had several discussions about the importance of prioritizing learning over grades. We talked about the value of making mistakes and how not achieving honor roll status could be just as educational as making it. Although he wasn’t entirely on board with this perspective, we pressed on.
Our decision to switch schools last summer, partly due to the hyper-competitive culture at his old school, seemed to help. Whether it was the new environment or his personal growth, my son became less fixated on grades, which was a relief.
Unfortunately, the new school still had an honor roll, where achieving this status meant a pizza party. Naturally, my son wanted to be included, but thankfully, he was less obsessed about it this time.
When the first semester ended, he earned all As except for one B+, which meant he missed the honor roll. His initial reaction was disappointment, but it ultimately became a valuable lesson. After some time feeling upset, he realized he could handle the situation, and his perspective on grades seemed to soften even further.
Despite his growth, I still hold strong feelings against the honor roll. In a recent science class, his teacher read aloud the names of students who made the honor roll that semester. Seriously? Isn’t it enough that a school already puts immense pressure on students to focus solely on grades? With mental health issues on the rise among teens, often linked to academic stress, we really need to reconsider how we measure success in schools.
Why not celebrate other achievements? Let’s give recognition to students who struggle but persist, or those who have unique challenges, like learning disabilities, yet still show up and do their best. Where is the acknowledgment for these efforts?
Honestly, the honor roll experience has been frustrating. It taught my son that the end result is what matters most, often overshadowing the importance of personal growth and happiness. That’s not a lesson I want him—or any child—to internalize.
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In summary, the honor roll may seem like a positive motivator, but it can lead to unhealthy stress and a narrow focus on grades rather than learning. It’s crucial to recognize and celebrate diverse achievements in our educational systems.