The recent surge of the 10-year challenge on social media prompted me to reflect on my life a decade ago. In 2013, I was a new mother to twin daughters, and it felt like I was submerged in a sea of challenges. I was overwhelmed by the cuteness of my babies, constantly managing bottles, diapers, and breast pumps, while also battling feelings of isolation and fatigue. Behind the facade of “I’m fine,” which I offered to anyone who inquired, was a reality of sleepless nights and emotional turmoil.
At that time, I was exhausted and hormonal, determined not to seek assistance, even though my partner was right there navigating the chaos with me. My insistence that “I’ve got this” often left him bewildered, unsure whether to help or retreat. If this doesn’t resonate with you, that’s wonderful, but I have come to terms with the fact that I was struggling mightily ten years ago. Back then, I worked tirelessly to maintain a façade of perfection, pushing away those who might have offered support. By claiming there was “nothing to see here,” I ended up isolating myself further and missing opportunities for connection.
During that tumultuous time, I found myself in the deep end of motherhood, often feeling as though I was drowning beneath the waves of new responsibilities. Despite my struggles, I was deeply in love with my daughters, but I often felt like I was hanging on by a thread. My focus was narrow, concerned only with getting through each day, ensuring they were cared for, and adhering to the advice of “sleep when they sleep.”
While I was merely surviving, I was not thriving. I presented a picture of normalcy to the outside world, but inside, I was lost in a blur of exhaustion. It wasn’t until years later that I recognized the brevity of time and the importance of asking for help. I realized that seeking assistance didn’t equate to failure; in fact, it was a sign of strength and honesty. The word “fine” had become a prison of my own making, and I unknowingly built walls around myself that excluded my partner from sharing the load of parenting.
Looking back, I wish I could embrace that struggling new mom from a decade ago. I would reassure her that this period is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of motherhood. If she could see me now, she might scoff at my laughter, accusing me of being a liar about how easy things have become.
Perspective, after all, can be a tricky thing. It can blind us and make us deaf to the realities outside our immediate experiences. Yet, it also drives us to strive for what we believe is right. We cling to our truths, believing them to be the only way to navigate our lives. As we get lost in our narrow viewpoint, we often miss the broader world around us.
In a poignant snapshot from that time, I remember taking my daughters for their first vaccinations, them nestled close to me as they fell asleep. I can still recall the sweet scent of their hair and the exhaustion that weighed heavily on me. In those moments, I was doing the best I could with the knowledge I had. As we grow, we learn and improve; and with wisdom comes the ability to enjoy the present rather than merely endure it.
Now, as my daughters reach new milestones in the 5th grade, they still occasionally curl up next to me to sleep. The difference today is that I embrace those moments, knowing they are fleeting. My perspective has transformed, and I have opened my heart to the joy of motherhood.
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In summary, the 10-year challenge serves as a reminder of how much our perspectives can shift over time. By acknowledging our struggles and embracing the lessons learned, we can move toward a more fulfilling experience as parents.