As I woke up to the dawn of my 39th birthday, I found myself reflecting on two things that brought me immense gratitude: my hair and my breasts. Of course, there were other blessings—like the way my son Jake nestled into my hair at 5:30 AM or how he and my partner Matt conspired to surprise me with breakfast, cake, and gifts. But honestly, my hair and boobs were at the forefront of my thoughts that day, especially after hearing about a friend who had to shave her head and another who might lose her breasts to illness.
This kind of gratitude feels a bit selfish to me. It’s like I’m expressing thanks for my good fortune while acknowledging the misfortune of others. I don’t want to feel this way—I want to feel genuine empathy, not a sense of relief that their struggles aren’t my own. Instead, I’m left feeling cautious and a bit paranoid: Sure, I’ve dodged this bullet for now, but what awaits me around the corner? Whether it’s a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, or a sick child, there always seems to be something lurking.
At 39, I still grapple with many of life’s enigmas. I mean, why is eyeliner so tricky? Why do guys often fail to call when they say they will? I find myself fumbling through marriage and parenting, and I remain confused by love and the intricacies of cake recipes. I thought I’d have more clarity in my career and life by now, but instead, I’m left with the unsettling realization that life is random, unpredictable, and often out of our control. A single doctor’s appointment, an unexpected lump, a careless driver—these moments can shift everything in an instant.
This unpredictability feels particularly unsettling when I see my friends grappling with their own challenges. Their struggles remind me that we are all connected in this chaotic dance of existence, forming tribes—some close, some far-flung. Years ago, without the conveniences of technology, I wouldn’t have shared in their pain or their joy. I wouldn’t have known about shaved heads, health scares, or broken relationships. But now, I’m aware, and it’s a burden I can’t shake off. The constant stream of news from my circle leaves me feeling helpless.
As I celebrated my birthday, I couldn’t help but reflect on how little we can truly ask from the universe—just to remain whole and healthy, to stay close to the innocence of childhood. Other wishes, like career success or financial stability, feel like luxuries rather than necessities.
So here I am, at 39, with more questions than answers. I have hair and breasts, and beyond that, certainty feels elusive. But if you’re seeking insights into family planning or exploring home insemination options, check out this article on pregnancy and home insemination for a great resource. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, Cryobaby offers reputable kits that may be just what you need.
In summary, life is unpredictable, and as I enter my 39th year, I’m reminded of the importance of gratitude—especially for the simple things. I may not have all the answers, but I’m grateful to embrace another year of life with my loved ones.
Leave a Reply