This past weekend was a holiday break, and I found myself feeling down and irritable for about 12 long hours. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the typical holiday stress that got to me. The day itself went fine; my extended family was pleasant, my kids were relatively well-behaved, and I avoided the usual holiday chaos of cooking and cleaning. I wasn’t even dealing with PMS.
After a particularly moody evening followed by a morning filled with snapping at my partner and children, I realized what was bothering me: I had dedicated the entire weekend to everyone else, neglecting my own needs.
Leading up to the holiday, I had worked tirelessly to ensure my professional responsibilities were in order so I could truly relax with my family. Once the festivities concluded, I took it upon myself to organize activities for everyone, from selecting a Christmas tree to planning outings to the movies. I meticulously arranged our days to accommodate all my kids’ wishes while completing my holiday shopping on Black Friday like a pro. I even scheduled a date night with my partner.
Yet, amidst all this planning, I had completely forgotten to include time for myself.
As a mom, this behavior is all too familiar. I often find myself prioritizing everyone’s needs over my own, hoping that somehow, my own desires will be met. But as I’ve learned time and again, this approach is futile. The chance to indulge in “me” time won’t just magically materialize. Like many others, my life is busy—between work, family, and maintaining a household, the only way to carve out time for myself is to actively plan for it.
It’s strange how easily I can set up plans for others while neglecting my own needs. Is this simply how I’ve been conditioned as a woman? Did my upbringing in a caregiving role play a part? Regardless of the reasons, the tendency to neglect myself has become so ingrained that it feels nearly impossible to change.
This weekend, after wrestling with a gloomy mood for half a day, I experienced a small epiphany. It may sound cheesy, but here it is: I MATTER. That is a complete statement. Taking time for myself is just as important as ensuring everyone else is happy.
It’s not only about the well-known saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. That notion suggests I should only focus on my happiness to better serve my family. This is misguided. My joy and fulfillment should stand alone, without the obligation to benefit others. Why shouldn’t my own happiness be enough?
After a night of frustration and a cranky morning, I decided to take action. I asked my partner to take the kids out for the afternoon so I could indulge in my favorite activities: curling up with a book and writing poetry. I savored peppermint tea without guilt and relished the experience. It felt rejuvenating.
I’m committed to making this a regular practice. No more putting myself on the back burner or postponing my passions. It’s counterproductive to everyone involved, and it disregards my own need for joy and fulfillment.
For someone like me, who naturally prefers solitude, self-care might mean spending a quiet afternoon at home. For you, it could mean taking that dance class you’ve always wanted to join, planning a trip with friends, or simply enjoying a day alone to explore bookstores. Maybe it’s time to revisit that sewing or scrapbooking project you set aside. Whatever it is, do it now. Don’t hesitate or overthink it. Engage in activities that bring you joy simply because you deserve them.
Life is too short to deny ourselves the pleasure and happiness that come from pursuing our interests. You’ve earned it!
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In summary, prioritizing my own needs and happiness is essential. I’ve realized that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity. By embracing this mindset, we can lead more fulfilling lives.