When you’re standing in the grocery checkout line, the magazine headlines scream at you: “Spice Up Your Marriage!” But let’s be real here — most of these tips focus on revamping your sex life, keeping the spark alive, or preventing bedroom boredom. I can’t help but think, “These writers clearly don’t have kids.”
1. Leave Flirty Notes
Sure, leaving cute notes around the house sounds adorable. But if you have kids who can read, forget it. The suggested lines? “I love it when you do the dishes.” Try explaining that to a five-year-old who just found it on the fridge!
2. Lingerie in the Kitchen
The idea of wearing sexy lingerie while preparing dinner? Hilarious. Picture this: you’re in the kitchen, and your kids could walk in at any moment. You’d need a blanket on standby for an emergency cover-up. Talk about a mood killer!
3. Role Play at a Bar
One tip suggests pretending to be strangers at a bar. I once brought this up with my partner, Jake, and he just chuckled. He’d probably end up playing pool while I waited at the bar, feeling like a complete fool. No thanks!
4. Setting the Scene
Romantic ideas like candlelight dinners and rose petals are cute, but let’s be honest: my kitchen is an accident waiting to happen. Plus, who wants to clean up rose petals for weeks? They’re like the glitter of the floral world.
5. Taking a Bath Together
The notion of cozying up in a tub sounds nice, but have you seen the size of my bathtub? It’s barely big enough for one! Trying to fit two people in there would just lead to a game of awkward human Tetris.
6. Showering Together
Alright, this one is feasible, but let’s get real — who finds showering together romantic? It’s more about waiting for your turn under the water while shivering. And with one bathroom, you can bet someone’s going to need to pee!
7. Acting Out Scenes
One tip suggests reenacting your favorite movie scene. Great! The last film we watched was a kids’ cartoon. “Release the baby!” isn’t exactly a line to spark romance.
It’s clear that these tips are catered to couples without children or those lucky enough to have a night off. For most parents, the reality is that romantic moments often have to wait until the kids are grown and out of the house. Assuming we don’t have grandchildren visiting by then!
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Summary
Parenting adds a unique twist to maintaining romance, making traditional tips for spicing up your marriage feel out of touch. From flirty notes to romantic baths, the realities of family life often put a damper on these suggestions. Instead, parents may find it easier to look forward to rekindling that spark once the kids are older.
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