It all started one day in the car with my kids. My ex-mother-in-law was driving when my then two-year-old piped up from the backseat, calling someone a “freakin’ idiot” as a man took his time backing out of a parking space.
My mother had a similar moment of shock while babysitting one evening. As she helped my five-year-old into her pajamas, my three-year-old, engrossed in a book, suddenly exclaimed, “This snake has no freakin’ tongue!” It was a line that could have come straight out of a Samuel L. Jackson film.
When I heard these stories, I couldn’t help but laugh. There’s something undeniably funny about a toddler using strong language, especially when it’s spot-on. While I recognized that her choice of words was inappropriate, I also appreciated the humor in it. It was a reminder that my language was influencing theirs, and I realized it was time to reconsider my approach.
I made an effort to tone down my swearing around my children. I explained to my daughter that adult language wasn’t acceptable in our family. However, could I truly change my ways? It seemed unlikely.
To clarify, I don’t curse excessively. I’m not the type to say, “Pass me the freakin’ fork,” or declare a meal “tastes like total garbage.” For me, swearing is a way to add emphasis when no other words suffice. When someone cuts me off in traffic, saying “what an annoying jerk” feels more natural than “that was rather rude, sir!”
After my toddler’s slip-up, I succeeded in avoiding bad language for four years. That is, until one fateful day in the car when I let a “crap” slip out. We had just returned from a birthday party, and I instructed my kids to gather their belongings. As I checked the back seat, I was horrified to see a mess of toys, food wrappers, and a headless doll.
“Guys!” I exclaimed, halting them in their tracks. I gestured to the chaos, “This is why I said no snacks in the car!” As I discovered purple Play-Doh stuck to the seat, I felt my patience waning. “Oh my gosh! My car shouldn’t look like a landfill!” I shouted, and then it happened: “Like, holy crap!”
Instantly, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I had just cursed in front of my children, and it was in reaction to their behavior. Was this really the lesson I wanted to teach them? I was frustrated with myself for losing control, fearing I would scar them for life.
“We’re sorry,” my youngest offered, to which her sister added, “We didn’t mean to.” I turned back to them and said, “It’s alright. I’m sorry for raising my voice. I get upset when you don’t clean up, but I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”
After collecting myself, I texted my friend Maria, sharing my moment of weakness. “I just cursed in front of my seven and eight-year-olds!” I typed, feeling both embarrassed and amused. Her response was lighthearted: “Well, you had a good run!” I couldn’t help but laugh in return.
Reflecting on the past few years, I realized that since the “snake” incident, my kids hadn’t sworn at all. One slip in frustration didn’t make me a terrible parent. What if I eased up on my strict language policy?
Now, my children are ten and twelve, and I’ve relaxed my rules around swearing. Here are my new guidelines:
- Cursing at someone is never acceptable.
- It’s absolutely forbidden to swear at school or around adults.
- When discussing someone’s bad behavior, it’s okay to use a curse word, as long as it stays within the family.
These rules come with caveats. For example, I encourage my children to express their feelings about their peers, but if they are also part of the problem, then they don’t earn the right to curse.
So how’s it been working? Surprisingly well! My children are thriving, and they seem to have lost the novelty of swearing. When my daughter faced a difficult peer at school, she asked if she could use a bad word to describe her. “Sure,” I replied. “She’s a total jerk,” my daughter said, grinning widely. It seemed to relieve her frustration, and since then, I haven’t heard any complaints about that particular classmate.
For more insights on parenting and managing challenging situations, check out this resource on artificial insemination and learn more about pregnancy and procedures from the CDC.
In summary, while I once held a strict no-swearing policy, I have learned to navigate the world of parenting with a little more flexibility. A few choice words can sometimes help address frustrations without compromising our values.