My 4-year-old son, Max, rushed to me as I picked him up from preschool, tears streaming down his face. It turned out he’d just constructed a sentence that was so shocking it prompted his teacher to intervene. After a moment of sniffles, he finally exclaimed, “Mommy, I told my friend Lucy that her shoes are stinky and she should take them off! Ms. Brown said I can’t use bathroom words at school!”
Then, with a puzzled look, he asked the most innocent question, “Mommy, what’s a bathroom word?”
I stifled a laugh but realized I needed to handle this delicately. I hugged him tightly, reassured him that everyone makes mistakes, and that we would discuss it more in the car. I turned to Ms. Brown with a friendly smile and explained that we hadn’t properly covered the topic of “bathroom words” yet. There’s a good reason for that. My partner and I only restrict language when it’s intended to hurt someone.
Yes, I said it. In our home, my 4-year-old is allowed to use “bathroom words” wherever he likes. And I honestly couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about it.
In our home, swearing is acceptable as long as it’s not aimed at anyone negatively, and “poop” is just a word that some people find amusing while others don’t want to hear. Rather than imposing strict house rules, we teach our kids the importance of respecting boundaries and personal space. We clarify the distinction between being comfortable at home and behaving courteously in public settings.
We’ve educated them that not every interaction calls for a curse word and that some individuals may be put off by discussions about bodily functions—especially during meals. This is why my son occasionally drops the F-bomb in our living room but has yet to do so at school.
I suspect that Max felt emboldened to discuss stinky shoes in front of his teacher because we’ve only just started to address why “bathroom talk” might be a sensitive subject for some. We generally don’t make a fuss over his interest in using potty-related language.
When Max confessed his transgression to me, I assured Ms. Brown that we would help him understand why those words aren’t appropriate in the classroom. However, I didn’t apologize for his comment because, frankly, I didn’t believe it warranted one. To me, he simply described a situation he thought was funny and a bit cheeky. I certainly didn’t reprimand him for his curiosity about language in a new environment. Spoiler alert: I’m perfectly fine with my children making innocent mistakes and occasionally saying something inappropriate in public.
Let me clarify—I’m not encouraging Max to be a free-spirited child who hurls offensive language at anyone whenever he feels like it. I don’t just sit back when he misbehaves. We teach principles of respect, kindness, and acceptance at home, and we have a zero-tolerance policy for hate. But I refuse to make my son feel bad for wanting to express himself freely, even if that includes the occasional potty term. He understands, as much as a preschooler can, when certain words are appropriate or not. At home, he’s safe to explore his vocabulary without fear of harsh consequences.
I want to emphasize an important point: Our household is a safe, judgment-free space where kids can experiment, make mistakes, and explore new ideas without hesitation. We discuss everything openly, provide natural consequences for crossing boundaries, and always leave room for hugs. This has fostered an environment where my children feel comfortable asking for help, getting messy, and expressing love. It has also allowed Max to thrive in his preschool setting.
During our recent parent-teacher conference, Max’s teachers praised his social skills. They noted his eagerness to include classmates, his generous spirit, and his ability to express his emotions with adults. While I appreciate this feedback, I know my son is on the right path as long as he feels free to stumble and share those experiences with me.
Ultimately, I’m not here solely to raise a child who fits into societal norms. I understand that this viewpoint might clash with traditional parenting approaches, and that’s perfectly fine with me. I don’t want my family to adhere to outdated customs simply for the sake of tradition. Conversations with my parents have made it clear that conditioning children to strictly “behave” can lead to long-term shame, a reality that many people struggle with. I’m still working through the impact of my own childhood experiences, which have left me anxious about trust and self-acceptance.
There will never be a moment in my parenting journey when I decide to play the shame game, regardless of how much fear-induced politeness it may instill in children. My primary concern is raising a child who loves herself and others unconditionally, feels safe to express her identity, and is willing to take risks in life. I want her to embrace joy, silliness, and wonder.
If singing silly songs about bodily functions allows my son to express himself freely, then this mom is all for it. I have no issue with my lively child using bathroom language at home, and I never will.
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In summary, allowing children to explore their language and express themselves freely can foster confidence and openness, setting the stage for healthy emotional development.