Updated: November 25, 2019
Originally Published: November 25, 2019
In life, there are certain convictions we hold dear. We often feel so certain about our opinions that they seem unshakeable. I was one of those individuals when it came to the topic of abortion. I identified as 100% pro-choice but firmly believed I would never undergo the procedure myself. This was my truth.
During my sophomore year in college, I experienced a traumatic event; I was raped. In the aftermath, I often contemplated the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. The idea of seeing my rapist’s features in my child was unbearable, yet I felt I could cope with the situation. I believed I could celebrate my child’s life and, despite considering abortion, I thought it wasn’t a choice I would make. Fortunately, I never had to confront that decision at that time.
As I moved forward in life, my beliefs remained unchanged—until I became pregnant for the first time. We were given the opportunity to undergo various genetic tests, which we chose to decline. I remember telling my partner that the results didn’t matter; even if something came back positive, we wouldn’t consider terminating the pregnancy. After all, I was confident in my stance.
For my first pregnancy, we opted for basic screenings like the nuchal translucency test and the anatomy scan. Everything appeared normal, and we welcomed a healthy baby into our lives.
However, during my second pregnancy, everything changed. At 15 weeks along, we again underwent the first trimester screen. While the ultrasounds were reassuring, the blood test revealed a concerning statistic: a 1 in 77 chance of Down syndrome. This prompted further testing.
We proceeded with a cell-free DNA test, which analyzes the DNA from both the mother and fetus present in the bloodstream. The results were devastating; our daughter, Emma, was diagnosed with full trisomy 13, a fatal condition. The prognosis was grim—she wouldn’t survive long after birth.
Faced with this harrowing reality, our options were laid out for us:
- Carry to Term and Fight: We could attempt to keep her alive through surgeries and intensive care, but her quality of life would be poor, and my health could also be jeopardized.
- Carry to Term with Palliative Care: We could choose to let nature take its course without intervention, but that could prolong Emma’s suffering.
- Early Induction: We could opt for a medically necessary termination, allowing us to hold her and donate her body to science.
- Standard Abortion Procedure: This would end the pregnancy without the chance to say goodbye or donate.
After careful consideration, we chose to induce labor at 19.5 weeks. The process required me to take a pill to terminate the pregnancy, and I had to sign paperwork indicating we were having an “abortion.” I felt hollow and nauseous; this terminology felt so wrong. Our daughter was dearly loved, and this was a planned pregnancy.
I had always thought of abortion in terms of women who faced unplanned pregnancies and had not taken precautions. In my younger days, I was naive, unaware of the complex realities that some women endure. I never truly contemplated the experiences of those who had been raped or those facing terminal diagnoses for their children until it happened to me.
This silent struggle affects many women, who often feel isolated in their grief. They endure the heartache of choosing to terminate a desired pregnancy but remain quiet out of fear of judgment. Today, I stand proud to share my story and Emma’s legacy, hoping to connect with others who face similar circumstances.
I acknowledge the pain of making such a choice, but I also recognize the love and strength that came from it. Emma lived a life free of pain, and in the 11 minutes we held her, she knew only love and comfort. My partner and I supported each other through this challenging time, emerging stronger and more united.
Being a voice for those who suffer silently is important to me. We are not alone in this experience; many have found themselves in situations they never thought they would. Together, we can refuse to be silenced. For those looking for more information and support, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. You can also read another insightful post here.
Summary:
This narrative recounts the journey of a woman who, despite her firm beliefs against abortion, faced an unimaginable decision when her second pregnancy resulted in a fatal diagnosis for her unborn daughter. Through her experience, she highlights the complexities and emotional weight of such choices, challenging societal perceptions and encouraging open dialogue among those who share similar struggles.