I’ve always been the type to plan ahead. I check the weather multiple times a day and keep a stash of snacks and emergency supplies in my trunk. I never leave home without an extra pair of contacts and a clean set of underwear. So, you can imagine my shock when I discovered that the $400 spent on hospital prep classes and thousands of pages of expert baby advice left me utterly unready for motherhood. Who would have thought?
What I truly needed was the wisdom of a seasoned postpartum version of myself to share these crucial insights:
1. You’ll Leave the Hospital Still Looking Pregnant.
Congratulations, you’ve just had a baby! But your body, especially that stubborn uterus, hasn’t quite gotten the memo. I didn’t look five months pregnant when I was five months pregnant, so why was I flabbergasted stepping out of the hospital, looking like I was still carrying a watermelon? Be prepared for the reality check—you’ll look like you’re 148 months pregnant (167 if you had a C-section). Even if you managed to stick to a “healthy” weight gain during pregnancy, the bloating you’ll be dealing with is something else entirely.
2. Take Everything You Can from the Hospital.
Seriously. It doesn’t matter how well your insurance covers your stay; you need to gather supplies for those exhausting early days. Befriend your nurses; they have access to the good stuff! This includes everything from gargantuan maxi pads to nipple cream and nursing gowns. And don’t forget the glorious, disposable granny panties that will be your best friends for the weeks to come.
3. You’ll Experience Postpartum Bleeding for Weeks.
This might be TMI, but after giving birth, you might feel like you’re reliving those dreaded middle school period days. What occurs post-birth is like a never-ending cycle that can make you feel like you’re back in seventh grade. Seriously, the amount of bleeding can be quite shocking. This is exactly why you’re “borrowing” those massive pads and comfy underwear from the hospital.
4. Visitors Are a Blessing—Especially If They Bring Food.
Don’t shy away from having friends and family over, especially those who arrive with delicious meals! Those frozen dinners you prepped? Yeah, they’re still frozen because you’re struggling to do the basics. Your guests want to help, whether that’s holding the baby or tidying up. So let them! And do try to avoid eating lasagna straight from the container in front of them—it’s not the best look.
5. Newborns Can Be Dramatic.
It’s not you; it’s them. One moment, your little one is a sweet bundle of joy, and the next, they’re having the kind of meltdowns that would make a reality star blush. Don’t take it personally; instead, keep a record of those moments for when they’re older—you’ll want some leverage later.
6. Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Easy.
Contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding isn’t the “most natural thing in the world.” If it were that simple, we wouldn’t have lactation consultants and specialists. It’s a learning curve, and it’s perfectly okay to seek help or switch to formula if needed. What matters most is what works for you and your baby, so don’t let anyone else dictate your choices.
7. You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers.
This might be the simplest yet most challenging truth to accept. The best way to care for your baby is to love them genuinely. Your baby doesn’t know anything else but you, so to them, you’re already perfect.
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In summary, embracing these realities can help ease the transition into motherhood. It’s a wild ride, but knowing what to expect can make it a little more manageable.
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