You’ve made it, haven’t you? That’s what those around you often say. You found your partner in crime (25 years and counting!), raised two wonderful kids, created a warm and inviting home, and surrounded yourself with good friends, both near and far. You’re even the proud owner of a rescue dog who adores you. Your career? It’s the kind that others only dream about. Yes, you truly have it all. And you’re aware of it. You offer thanks to the universe, your guardian angel, and even the deities you’re not quite sure exist. “Thank you,” you murmur softly. “Thank you.”
As time marches on, you find yourself echoing the clichés you hear from friends and acquaintances: “Time flies,” “This year will be over before you know it,” “Can you believe it’s summer already? It feels like winter was just yesterday.” Then, you catch your reflection in a shop window and for a fleeting moment, you think it’s your mother staring back at you. But she’s been gone for eight years. That image lingers, prompting you to change your hairstyle or buy a new outfit. You’re content with your age, yet you can’t help but wonder why your appearance reminds you of her.
Scrolling through social media, you read about peers who face unexpected health crises, sudden divorces, or devastating losses. The stories of resilience, hope, and uncertainty fill your feed. You knock on wood, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. “Not me. Not my family,” you whisper, wrestling with guilt. Why are you the fortunate one?
You often feel enveloped in a protective bubble, where nothing truly bad has touched your life. Sure, you had a close call earlier this year with pneumonia that spiraled into sepsis, but you survived. You question your own strength: Are you brave for making it through, or weak for falling ill in the first place? The answer eludes you. Yet you press on, celebrating another birthday with a second slice of cake. After all, you’ve earned it. The prize for surviving is life itself, now viewed through a lens of awareness.
Days blur together, and you occasionally lose track of time. When friends reminisce about past adventures, you find yourself struggling to recall the details, reliving their stories as if they happened to someone else. You can’t be sure if their memories are accurate since your own have been overshadowed by newer experiences, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists. “Baby brain,” they called it during your pregnancy, but no one warned you it would linger indefinitely.
Soon, you’ll reach the milestone of 50. Not this year or the next, but it’s on the horizon. That significant number looms ahead, once seeming so far away. When you first tied the knot, 50 appeared ancient—a point where life felt set in stone rather than fluid. Stability is comforting, you remind yourself. Predictability is ideal. You seek happiness, health, financial security, and a sense of career accomplishment. Yet, a wild yearning simmers beneath the surface, a desire to scream just to release it all.
You recall reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed, relating to her quest for something more, even though you’ve never been a hiker. Instead of traveling, you express that longing through your writing, capturing this fleeting moment known as life. A line from your favorite ’80s movie, St. Elmo’s Fire, resonates: “We’re all going through this,” Rob Lowe says to Demi Moore, “It’s our time on the edge.” You once watched that film as a teenager, and now you find yourself at a similar crossroads, feeling as though you’re still on the brink of something significant.
This moment is yours. You wish to preserve the memory of today, but you know it will soon blend into the tapestry of your past—a mix of good days, mostly. You’ll strive to document your experiences, hoping that in years to come, you’ll recognize the person you once were. “Who is this?” you might ask 10 or 20 years from now. But deep down, you’ll know it’s still you. That wild spirit pulses within, urging you to embrace the present. It’s still your time.
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Summary
As you approach your 50th birthday, reflect on the life you’ve built, the challenges you’ve faced, and the wild desires that still reside within you. Embrace this time of life, and continue to explore your passions and purpose while cherishing the moments that make up your journey.
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