I’ve always been a people-pleaser at my core. Conflict makes me uneasy, and my instinct is to seek agreement from those around me. While I appreciate a healthy debate (after all, I pursued law school for that very reason), my true desire is for everyone to be on my side. I tend to avoid stirring the pot, yearning for general approval — I want people to like me, period.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize how counterproductive and even damaging the relentless pursuit of universal happiness can be. I’ve accepted the reality that “I’m not Nutella,” meaning I can’t be everything to everyone. As I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin, I’ve developed a clearer understanding of my identity.
I recognize that I am an acquired taste, possessing little patience for nonsense and an unmistakable resting bitch face. Consequently, I won’t be winning any popularity contests, and some people simply won’t like me.
I’ve learned to adopt a “I don’t care” (IDGAF) attitude towards people-pleasing. The notion of “I’m not Nutella; not everyone will like me” has become a trendy self-love mantra. And while that’s fantastic, there are pitfalls associated with this mindset.
Some individuals misuse this philosophy to excuse bad behavior. They might leverage it as a shield against accountability, sidestepping apologies when they’ve caused harm and avoiding difficult conversations altogether. This behavior isn’t a reflection of self-love or acceptance; it’s simply being rude.
Let’s clarify what “I’m not Nutella” truly signifies — and what it doesn’t. “I am who I am” is apt for personal preferences like enjoying country music or the works of Jimmy Buffett. But it doesn’t grant permission to be disrespectful or to harm others in the name of “brutal honesty.”
Similarly, “not everyone is going to like me” applies when you prefer cozy nights at home while someone else thrives at parties. However, it doesn’t justify acting inconsiderately or shutting someone down without listening. The “I’m not Nutella” mindset means you don’t have to conform to please everyone; it allows you to embrace your true self. But you must also strive to be a respectful human being. It’s not a license to disregard those with differing opinions or to engage in name-calling and personal attacks.
The issue with these knee-jerk “I am who I am” and “not everyone will like me” retorts is that they can hinder personal growth. They can prevent us from striving for improvement, learning, and evolving. Instead, we may find ourselves trapped in an echo chamber filled only with those who share our views.
And let’s be real: sometimes, this attitude can make you come off as a total jerk.
Yes, we should cherish and accept ourselves. We shouldn’t waste time fretting over those who don’t understand our true selves. Yet, we also shouldn’t ignore our actions that may hurt others. Self-reflection is crucial; we should always seek to enhance ourselves and work toward being our best versions. Resorting to the “not everyone is going to like me; I’m not Nutella” excuse after hurting someone doesn’t foster self-love.
So, embrace your “you do you, I am who I am” philosophy. Know yourself and take pride in that identity. However, don’t bury your head in the sand and call it self-acceptance. Doing so morphs into ignorance and denial, and nobody appreciates that.
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Summary
The “I’m Not For Everyone” mindset can empower self-acceptance but should not be an excuse for dismissive behavior or lack of accountability. Embracing who you are is essential, but growth and self-reflection are equally important to avoid becoming disconnected from the feelings of those around you.