Updated: November 10, 2023
Originally Published: November 8, 2023
“Ugh, I can’t focus at all today. I must be so ADD!”
“My child takes forever to put on her shoes in the morning. I swear she has ADHD!”
These comments often come from individuals who don’t actually have a diagnosis of ADHD themselves, yet they throw these terms around casually. While these statements may seem harmless at first glance, as a mother of a 13-year-old who has dealt with ADHD throughout his life, I find them concerning for several reasons.
Understanding ADHD
ADHD is defined by very specific diagnostic criteria. It’s quite uncommon for someone seeking a diagnosis to be on the borderline of whether they have ADHD or not. Yes, ADHD can show up in various ways, but the diagnostic criteria are ultimately clear-cut. There’s a checklist that must be completed by several people who interact with the individual regularly, and a certain number of criteria must be met before a doctor can make a diagnosis.
Simply having a child who takes a long time to get ready or who has a few scatterbrained moments does not mean they have ADHD. For a proper diagnosis, the child must struggle significantly in multiple areas of life. For example, if a child manages to complete most of their schoolwork and maintains adequate grades without any interventions, they likely do not meet the criteria.
The Purpose of Diagnosis
The purpose of diagnosing ADHD is to identify behaviors that disrupt a person’s life, allowing them to access effective interventions. The term “disorder” implies that the condition negatively impacts various aspects of one’s life.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), symptoms such as inattentiveness, excessive talking, and ongoing fidgeting must be present in more than one setting and must have persisted for over six months. Most importantly, these symptoms must “interfere with or reduce the quality of social, school, or work functioning.” In simpler terms, it must genuinely affect the child’s well-being. A child who may have an off day but otherwise manages well is not necessarily ADHD.
The Impact of Trivialization
Moreover, trivializing ADHD by casually mentioning it can undermine the experiences of those who genuinely have the disorder. Just as it can be frustrating for someone with OCD to hear, “I need everything lined up perfectly; I’m so OCD!” or for someone with bipolar disorder to hear, “I’m feeling so up and down this week; I must be bipolar!” the same applies to ADHD. For those who live with ADHD, the disorder influences almost every aspect of their daily lives.
From a young age, my son faced constant reminders that, despite his efforts, they were never enough. One of his teachers even bluntly stated that he “wasn’t even trying,” despite knowing about his diagnosis. The fact is, children with ADHD are acutely aware of their challenges. My son has expressed frustration over his focus issues, and it can be disheartening for him to hear others joke about a fleeting moment of distraction.
Challenges of Parenting a Child with ADHD
Without medication, my son struggles across different environments, with school being the most challenging due to the need for sustained attention. ADHD also often involves impulsivity, making social interactions difficult, especially during middle school when maintaining friendships can hinge on self-control.
Parenting a child with ADHD presents unique challenges. I’ve often questioned my parenting skills, losing my temper over things I know he cannot control, which leads to a different level of guilt. My daughter does not have ADHD, and the contrasts in our parenting experiences are evident. I want to support my son without damaging his self-esteem while also teaching him essential skills for managing his condition.
Being Proactive
Parents of children with ADHD must always be proactive, anticipating their child’s needs and potential challenges. It requires constant vigilance and planning. Therefore, when I hear someone jokingly claim their child is “acting so ADHD,” it can be frustrating.
I don’t want to dismiss your concerns. If you truly believe you or your child may have ADHD, it’s important to discuss it with someone experienced in the matter. We can differentiate between flippant remarks and sincere inquiries. I’m always open to sharing how my son has thrived despite his ADHD diagnosis, and sometimes because of it—ADHD can come with its own unique strengths!
Consulting a Professional
Ultimately, consulting a medical professional is essential. They can provide a thorough evaluation and determine if a diagnosis is warranted. Until then, please consider how your offhand comments might affect those living with ADHD. It’s a serious condition with strict diagnostic requirements, and a moment of distraction doesn’t equate to having it.
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Conclusion
In summary, ADHD is a complex disorder that affects many aspects of life, and casual comments about being “ADD” or “ADHD” can trivialize the experiences of those who truly struggle with it. Understanding the diagnostic criteria and the reality of living with ADHD is essential for fostering empathy and support.