As a parent, I believe we all share common hopes and worries for our children. Yet, as a mom of boys, I’ve noticed that my concerns often diverge from those of mothers raising daughters. There are fundamental differences between boys and girls that shape our parenting experiences uniquely. However, moms of boys frequently find themselves navigating both boy and girl worlds. When discussions arise about your daughters, we often relate because, in many ways, you’re reflecting our own experiences. Here are some key insights I wish moms of girls understood about raising sons.
1. We’re Not Justifying “Boys Will Be Boys.”
We’re not here to make excuses for our sons’ actions. We strive to set clear expectations regarding their behavior, especially in relationships with girls. While we understand the need for growth and the occasional roughhousing, we also recognize when to step in. For example, there are times when we might not immediately intervene during a questionable comment from a coach, knowing that embarrassing our sons in front of their peers can be detrimental too. We acknowledge their less-than-stellar moments and are working hard to guide them towards respectful behavior.
2. We Share Concerns About Rape and Harassment.
When troubling stories surface in the news, like those of high-profile figures, the narrative often shifts to a blanket statement of “all men.” This perspective can be harmful, suggesting that every boy is a future perpetrator simply by virtue of their gender. It’s equally troubling to hear comments implying that we should be on guard against our sons. We understand your worries for your daughters, but we want our boys to be seen as individuals, not villains. We, too, are responsible for educating them on respecting women and fostering healthier discourse.
3. We Stand Against Unfair Dress Codes.
Recent discussions around dress codes highlight a concerning trend: girls being singled out for their clothing. As a parent, I know that a tank top or yoga pants won’t lead my sons astray. Most boys aren’t driven wild by a bare shoulder. To suggest that girls must “cover up” to protect themselves sends a troubling message. What does this imply about boys? Schools need to create dress codes that apply fairly to all students, irrespective of gender. If girls are restricted, then it’s only fair that boys face similar guidelines.
4. We Advocate for Equal Opportunities for Daughters.
We’re thrilled to see initiatives like Girls on the Run and Girls Who Code, recognizing the importance of exposing girls to athletics and STEM early on. While we value these programs, we equally want our sons to thrive in these areas should they choose to pursue them. There’s ample room for all children to succeed, and diversity enriches every experience.
5. We’re Teaching Our Sons to Embrace Feminism.
The term “feminist” can be daunting, but what it means to us is teaching our boys that they don’t have to conform to rigid gender roles. My husband excels in traditionally female-associated tasks, and we strive to expose our boys to diverse narratives that include empowered female leads. We desire more female role models for our sons, and we recognize the importance of representation in all spheres, including leadership roles.
6. We Sometimes Feel Excluded.
As children transition to upper elementary grades, parental friendships often split along gender lines. Activities that once brought us together now feel less accessible, and I find myself missing my “girl-mom” friends. Conversations surrounding mother-daughter experiences, while meaningful for you, can feel uncomfortable to navigate with my sons. We have our own bonding moments, but we hope you’ll remember us as our children grow, and stay connected even when interests diverge.
Ultimately, as a mom of boys, I wish mothers of girls could see that we share the same desires for our children. Despite our differences, we’re all part of the same parenting journey. For more insights on parenting and family life, check out our other blog posts.
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In summary, our experiences as moms of boys and moms of girls may differ, but our ultimate goal is the same: to raise happy, respectful, and successful children.
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