While on a family outing to an amusement park, Sarah Thompson witnessed an unsettling moment when a five-year-old boy approached her son, Leo, and exclaimed, “He looks weird!” Just as Sarah prepared to address the situation, the boy’s father quickly intervened, pulling him away. This incident was not an isolated one; since adopting Leo as an infant, Sarah and her family have frequently encountered children who point out Leo’s unique features, often labeling him as scary or different.
Leo was born with a rare genetic condition known as Apert syndrome, which affects the shape of the skull and facial structure, along with other physical attributes. The condition can also lead to developmental challenges and requires multiple surgeries. As of now, Leo has undergone thirty surgeries, with more procedures anticipated in the future.
Initially, Sarah felt rage whenever children commented on Leo’s appearance. However, she soon realized that her frustration was not with the kids themselves, but with their parents. This sentiment resonates with author and mother R.J. Palacio, whose bestselling novel and film, Wonder, was inspired by a similar experience. Palacio recounted a moment in an ice cream shop when her son noticed a girl with a facial deformity and began to cry. In that moment, she hurriedly left, later feeling regret about not addressing the situation.
Many parents, like Sarah and Palacio, grapple with how to react when their children notice someone who looks different. Sarah encourages parents to stop shushing their kids and fleeing the scene. Ignoring their questions only amplifies their curiosity and discomfort, and responses like “God makes everyone different” can come off as vague and unhelpful. Children deserve straightforward answers to their inquiries, fostering a sense of trust with their parents.
Understanding the Unease
Why do many parents feel uneasy when their children point out differences? It’s likely due to the generational divide regarding disabilities. Many of us grew up in environments where children with special needs were often segregated. In contrast, current laws advocate for inclusive education, promoting interaction between children with special needs and their peers.
Sarah recalls her own upbringing where her mother made a conscious effort to include families with disabilities in their lives. This exposure taught her that individuals with disabilities are not to be avoided but embraced for their individuality.
A Simple Three-Step Approach
So what should parents do when their children loudly declare that another child is different? Sarah suggests a simple three-step approach:
- Introduce Yourself: When your child points out someone’s differences, resist the urge to escape. Instead, approach the family and introduce yourselves. A simple greeting can pave the way for understanding and connection.
- Ask Questions: Sarah welcomes inquiries about her son’s condition. Questions allow for accurate information to be shared, reducing harmful assumptions. A thoughtful question like, “Can you tell us more about your child?” opens the door for dialogue.
- Find Common Ground: Differences can be celebrated, but recognizing similarities is equally important. Sarah often highlights common interests between Leo and other children, such as shared hobbies or favorite characters, showing that despite appearances, they have much in common.
The goal is to approach each other with kindness and respect, rather than avoidance. Our society is increasingly diverse, and it’s essential that we embrace these differences rather than shy away from them.
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Summary
The story highlights the importance of addressing children’s curiosity about differences rather than shushing them. By engaging openly and positively with one another, we can foster a more inclusive society that values diversity and promotes understanding.