By: Emily Carter
Updated: Feb. 12, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 23, 2019
“Grab a shoelace to tie off the umbilical cord,” my neighbor relayed the emergency operator’s instructions as I lay on the kitchen floor, blood pooling around me. My partner, Jake, pulled a lace from his sneaker and asked, “Does it matter if it’s dirty?” Our newborn was lying on my chest, swaddled in a towel.
In that moment, I certainly wasn’t thinking, “Didn’t our birth plan specify delayed cord clamping for at least three minutes?” No, I was just wondering, “What on earth is happening right now?”
Despite all the effort I put into crafting my birth plan, I overlooked the possibility of my worst fears becoming reality.
It all started at midnight when my water broke with an explosive gush—exactly like you see in romantic comedies. I felt hazy as Jake scrambled to gather our hospital bag and contact our doula and babysitter.
Before heading to the hospital, we tiptoed into our two-year-old son Alex’s room to say goodbye on his last night as an only child. I barely grazed his leg, waking him up unintentionally. Oops. We crept out, hoping he would drift back to sleep, but he began to cry, demanding, “Mommy, sing me a song!”
Before I could even start, I felt the unmistakable urge to push. I managed a frantic “Good night, sweetie” before waddling out, clutching the crib for support. He cried even louder, disappointed at the lack of a lullaby.
“Call 911. The baby’s coming!” I shouted to Jake and our neighbor as they helped me down to the floor. After a few intense pushes, our baby arrived in the cramped kitchen, well before the paramedics, doula, or nanny could arrive.
“It’s a boy!” Jake exclaimed. But I was too consumed with worry to celebrate. All I could say was, “Is he okay?” Thankfully, he let out a loud cry. Meanwhile, Alex, just a few feet away, was still crying, too. No birth plan could have prepared me for the surreal nature of that moment.
In the weeks that followed, everything felt harder than it should have been. I grappled with the trauma buried beneath sleepless nights and constant diaper changes.
One night, I mustered the energy to make slow-cooker oatmeal, chopping apples and mixing them with coconut milk and cinnamon. This felt like a major feat. The next morning, I realized I’d forgotten the oats.
When you’re in the midst of labor, your carefully crafted birth plan becomes irrelevant. The battery-operated candles, the thoughts of touching your baby’s head while crowning—none of it matters in the moment. (Spoiler alert: it feels squishy.) The laughing gas? That helped a bit during my first delivery, but ultimately, what you think will shape your birth experience may be the very things you forget.
Giving birth teaches a crucial lesson: at some point, you have to let go of control. You must embrace each breath and hope to come out stronger and wiser on the other side.
Letting go has been a challenge for me as a self-identified perfectionist. I’ve always preferred things to be “just so,” which is the opposite of how babies behave. As a new mom, I swapped my beloved fiction for parenting books, believing that more knowledge would make me a better parent. Over time, I learned the importance of lowering my expectations and accepting that things won’t always go as planned.
There is no birth plan for the immense love you will feel when holding your newborn for the first time. No manual can fully prepare you for the overwhelming emotions that come with parenthood.
My older son, now three-and-a-half, has developed a fascination with dinosaurs and the concept of mortality. Recently, he looked up at me with his big hazel eyes and said he didn’t want to die. He asked if we could die together. I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I simply said yes.
Having a baby is a thrilling leap into the unknown. Of course, create a birth plan, visualize it, and meditate on it. But be ready to toss it out the window—or at least have a blank sheet handy for when the unexpected occurs. For more insightful tips on preparing for parenthood, check out this helpful resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while birth plans can provide a sense of control, they often fall short in the face of reality. Embracing flexibility and letting go of expectations is key to navigating the chaos of childbirth and early parenting.