As a parent of teenagers, I’ve often been taken aback by their phone habits. When they first got their devices, they took them everywhere, from grocery stores to restaurants. I quickly realized they needed a crash course in phone etiquette when my son attempted to order a triple cheeseburger while chatting with a friend on speakerphone. Then there was the incident with my daughter blasting cat-dancing videos at full volume in the grocery aisle. To onlookers, it might have seemed like they were just inconsiderate teens who didn’t care about disrupting others. In reality, they simply lacked awareness—I hadn’t taught them that those around them might not appreciate a loud conversation about math or a phone blaring music while ordering food.
You may have seen the viral story about a group of teenagers who were excited about their first outing before a big homecoming dance but ended up leaving a poor tip. After realizing their mistake, they returned to the restaurant to rectify the situation, leaving an appropriate tip along with a letter explaining their actions. “We’re new to this,” they wrote. “Our 13-year-old brains didn’t quite grasp how to handle the bill.” They left a total of $3.28, which reflected their inexperience rather than any malicious intent.
These teens didn’t have to come back and apologize, but they did, demonstrating that they weren’t just thoughtless kids. It’s easy to forget that teenagers are still very much children. They make mistakes, act impulsively, and sometimes simply don’t know better. Instead of jumping to conclusions or chastising them, a little patience can go a long way. Their brains are still developing and won’t fully mature until they’re about 25.
Take, for instance, the time my son mistakenly used the express checkout at Target with 35 items. So focused on using his debit card correctly, he overlooked the sign. The cashier could have embarrassed him further, but instead, offered a gentle reminder. He was mortified, but I knew he wouldn’t make that mistake again.
As adults, we often expect our teens to display patience and kindness, yet we can be quick to criticize. It’s crucial to remember that they are navigating complex social dynamics and learning how to handle various situations, and they need our guidance rather than our judgment. I can certainly improve in this area, especially with my three teenagers.
For instance, one summer evening, I rushed home to pick up my daughter for a local fair. I arrived winded, carrying groceries, only to find her lounging on the sofa, refusing to help. “Let’s hurry up or we’ll be late!” I urged, but instead of compliance, I was met with a slammed door. Later, I discovered that she and her friends had a falling out and were too hurt to figure out a solution together. Instead of being patient, I assumed they should know better by now. But the truth is, these experiences are new, and we have to be mindful of their feelings and pressures.
Understanding that they may not know how to ask for help or navigate difficult emotions is key. When we approach them with empathy instead of criticism, it can change everything. Teens often get lost in their own worlds, leading to misunderstandings about how to behave in social situations.
We all make mistakes, and a little compassion goes a long way. Whether it’s about tipping or any other social norm, offering support rather than judgment can help them learn and grow into more considerate individuals.
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In summary, teenagers are still learning how to navigate the complexities of life. They are prone to mistakes and misunderstandings. Instead of reacting harshly, let’s offer them the understanding and guidance they need.