After my close friend, Lisa, welcomed her first child and just before I had mine, I started to notice a significant shift in our phone calls. The dynamic we once shared was changing, almost as if we were characters in a surreal love triangle, where I was having a conversation with Lisa while she simultaneously engaged with her baby. “Go ahead!” she would urge me, clearly craving some adult conversation. “I’m listening, even if I’m also dealing with a little one!” I played along, stepping cautiously into this new phase of our friendship that felt foreign yet familiar.
Picture a contrast between two slides: on one side, me with my hair styled and makeup on point; on the other, Lisa, whose hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her face showing signs of fatigue. Each stage of our lives looked distinct, marked by different circumstances, yet the essence of our friendship remained intact—being there for one another.
As we navigated this new terrain, we experimented with how to communicate meaningfully when one of us was often preoccupied. It was a challenge—one that felt both disorienting and oddly appropriate. It’s widely recognized that having a child can strain a couple’s relationship, so why wouldn’t it reshape our friendships too? I learned to adjust my expectations, trusting that Lisa was genuinely interested in hearing from me, even if her attention was divided.
Reflecting on our friendship, it was once about sharing excitement over the latest boy band music video or penning long letters filled with doodles to keep each other entertained during long flights. We were there to support each other through breakups and triumphs, delivering hard truths when necessary.
Now, “being there for each other” has evolved. It means responding to a late-night Facebook post to reassure one another, no matter the distance. It means calling from abroad to check in or taking my child for a playdate to give me a much-needed break. It’s the small gestures that remind us we’re still connected, like gifting something just for me, a reminder that I can still have a life beyond motherhood.
This new understanding of friendship is a work in progress, constantly expanding to include unexpected acts of kindness. It’s about remembering the person I was before the chaos of parenting set in.
For more insights on navigating relationships during this transformative time, check out our other blog posts. You can also find helpful resources regarding pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC and explore options for at-home insemination kits at Make a Mom.
In summary, friendship after becoming a parent is an evolving journey that requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt. What it looks like may change, but the core of being there for each other remains as strong as ever.
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