My husband, Jake, sits on the edge of our couch with a beer in hand, his fingers tightly gripping the bottle as if it’s a lifeline. The expression on his face is a mix of disbelief and bewilderment. Meanwhile, I’m pacing frantically in front of him, my arms flailing and tears streaming down my cheeks. To be honest, I have no clue what I’m ranting about, as this (entirely driven by me) discussion began about an hour ago.
But don’t let Jake know that.
Most of our arguments around this time of month revolve around his perceived lack of romantic gestures, our infrequent intimacy, or him forgetting something significant. Ironically, while I’m unleashing my torrent of emotions, I’m neglecting to acknowledge something crucial myself.
I wrap up my one-person show with three dramatic statements that somehow manage to infuriate my husband while also providing him with a hidden sense of relief. These are the phrases I always regret saying yet find myself uttering month after month: “I can’t keep living like this! I’m finished! I want a DIVORCE!”
At this point, Jake gives me “the look.” It’s his nonverbal way of conveying thoughts he knows will only exacerbate the situation if verbalized right now. Being the intelligent guy that he is, he knows precisely how to navigate this minefield. He apologizes sincerely for whatever has triggered my outburst, reassures me of his love, and then silently retreats. Naturally, his silence sends me spiraling into an even deeper emotional meltdown, and I end up curled up alone in bed, sobbing until I drift off to sleep.
The following day, Jake cautiously brings up what has been on his mind since my dramatic declaration. He’s learned to approach this topic gently, knowing that anything too abrupt will send me into defensive mode.
“Honey…”
“What?”
“Well, I think maybe…”
“WHAT?”
“I think… you might be about to start your period.”
I quickly shift the conversation, but internally, I’m feeling conflicted. I dislike the idea of him treating me like a weather forecaster predicting a storm. How does he, a man who has no firsthand experience with menstruation, manage to read me so accurately? Am I wearing a shirt that says “PMS Alert” or something?
The most frustrating part is that Jake is always, without fail, right. I can’t stand how predictable I am in this regard. Apparently, I threaten divorce just days before my period every month. Over time, Jake has become adept at recognizing this pattern, and it’s reached a point where my emotional upheaval is almost a monthly event.
This year, my diagnosis of complex PTSD has further complicated matters. It amplifies my anxiety and makes me resemble a walking bundle of PMS-fueled panic. Since I often lose track of when my period is due, these incidents seem to arise out of nowhere, much to Jake’s dismay.
On a positive note, Jake has become so skilled at anticipating these emotional rollercoasters that he’s now proactively stepping in to prevent me from blurting out the dreaded word “divorce.” He checks in with me regularly, showers me with affectionate hugs, and treats me to my favorite snacks and sparkling water. He essentially cares for me in a way reminiscent of how he behaved during my pregnancies.
Honestly, Jake is quite the hero in these situations. His patience and compassion shine through, especially during my more challenging moments. His proactive approach has allowed me to feel a bit more at ease during the inevitable times when I want to completely lose it.
I’m seriously considering getting him a special cape — perhaps in red, since I can’t think of a husband who wouldn’t appreciate a constant reminder that he is the oracle of female cycles.
For more insights on managing emotional health and relationships, check out this enlightening blog post. If you’re interested in pregnancy resources, the CDC provides excellent information on infertility that you might find useful.
Summary
Navigating the emotional landscape of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) can be challenging, especially in a relationship. Olivia recounts her monthly struggles with overwhelming emotions that lead her to contemplate divorce, and how her husband, Jake, skillfully manages the situation with love and support. Despite the chaos, his proactive care helps alleviate some of the tension that arises during this time. This humorous yet relatable account highlights the importance of understanding and communication in a partnership.