At the close of last year, as my partner and I were parting ways, I acquired my cozy little home. I set up services for internet, electricity, water, and gas, arranged furniture, tended to overgrown flower beds, and scrubbed filthy baseboards. I found myself wondering if I had taken on too much. Could I truly manage a household solo after the divorce? Would I feel buried under responsibilities without my partner’s support? Having never lived alone before, especially with two children, the thought of failure loomed large.
Moving is inherently stressful, and it becomes even more overwhelming when you’re navigating the division of household items while ensuring the kids feel secure in both homes. Yet, we persevered. We settled in, and I worked tirelessly, balancing my job with transforming the once-neglected cottage into a warm and inviting sanctuary.
Now that we’ve been established for a few months, I’ve begun to unwind. I feel confident managing my finances, and our daughters are adapting to their new living arrangements. To my surprise, managing a household without my partner has turned out to be significantly easier—much easier. I now have more time, my home is consistently tidy, and the laundry is always done.
I’m honestly not sure if I should laugh, cry, or just shout into the void about this revelation. And just to clarify, this “easier” experience holds true even when my kids are with me. My ex had an extensive project that kept him busy, so our girls stayed with me for two uninterrupted weeks. Even then, with them at home during the summer, I found things to be manageable.
It dawned on me that I had been unaware of the extent of my contributions at home and how little my partner was involved. It took this separation for me to truly perceive the disparity in our household responsibilities. This isn’t a critique of all men—there are certainly those out there who contribute equally and even help lighten their partners’ loads. Unfortunately, mine did not.
According to a 2008 study from the University of Michigan’s Panel Study on Income Dynamics, married women perform more housework than their male counterparts. While single women averaged just over 10 hours of housework weekly, married women clocked in at about 17 hours. Conversely, men actually did less housework when married—down from eight hours a week as singles to seven. In essence, when a woman marries a man, she seems to sign up for additional chores, while men appear to gain… a personal maid?
I know what you’re thinking: #notallmen. However, it’s evident that many men still contribute less in household tasks regardless of whether they work or have children.
As I adjusted to life in my new home, I was surprised to find my days felt less hectic and my house cleaner, all without an extra adult contributing. I had grown accustomed to sharing space with someone who required care, cooking, and cleaning. While I was working full-time from home, it was assumed that I had the “free time” to manage every hiccup involving the kids, bills, or appointments. Now, it was all on me—but perhaps it feels simpler because I don’t have to discuss or explain things to anyone else.
The most striking change has been the absence of clutter left behind by my ex. No shoes in the hallway, no piles of junk mail, and best of all—no dirty dishes in the sink. My ex often left his dishes in the sink rather than loading the dishwasher, which led our daughters to adopt the same habit. Now that I maintain a clean sink, they are more inclined to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Similarly, with no clothes strewn about, they understand that laundry belongs in the hamper. My cleanliness has set a new standard.
Meanwhile, as my ex adjusted to living alone, he frequently messaged me during the first few weeks for help with simple tasks—like scheduling doctor’s appointments or picking up groceries. It became clear to me how much more I had been managing all along.
I never considered myself the archetypal woman who accepted the bulk of housework simply because her partner was out working. I also held a job, tried to delegate responsibilities, and made requests for help. I suspected my family dynamic was creating unnecessary work for me, but I was only partially right. My kids were just being kids, and my ex? Well, he was acting like one too. I genuinely hope he learns to navigate household management on his own and comes to appreciate the workload I carried. For now, I’m enjoying my lighter responsibilities and pristine home.
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Summary:
Through my experience of transitioning to single parenthood, I uncovered the significant imbalance in household responsibilities that had existed during my marriage. With newfound clarity, I realized that managing my home and children is not only possible but much easier without the added burden of an unhelpful partner. My clean, organized space sets a positive example for my kids, leading to a more harmonious living environment.