I’ll admit it: I was in a foul mood. The heat was unbearable, and I was exhausted and famished, just like you. That day, the temperature was nearing 95 degrees with humidity that felt like it was at 100%. We were stuck inside without air conditioning because our yard lacked any shade. The fans were barely helping, and even a drive didn’t seem to soothe your restless energy.
All day, you were bouncing off the walls, a far cry from your usual self. I couldn’t really blame you, though. Your brother was in your face, the dog was barking at every little thing outside, and I was stuck saying “no” over and over. I desperately needed a moment to breathe. The sun was blazing outside, and you didn’t understand why you couldn’t go out. No movie or TV show seemed to satisfy you, and your desire to play baseball indoors was met with frustration. You wouldn’t eat, refused to sit still, and turned down all the activities that typically kept you entertained. Your brother quickly joined the chaos.
I found myself snapping easily, mirroring your own quick temper. It was a long, exhausting day. When bedtime rolled around, I hoped we could reset with a story, a song, and some cuddles. But tubby time, which usually brings joy, turned into a mess. You kept snatching bath toys from your brother and giggled when he got in trouble for trying to climb out. You wouldn’t calm down, and by 7:30 p.m., you were still bursting with untamed energy—an energy that often leads to little accidents because you weren’t paying attention. There was yelling from me, yelling from you, and even your brother joined in.
As the clock approached 9:30 p.m., you and your brother showed no signs of winding down. I yelled again, and so did your dad. It was a lot of yelling in a house that usually thrives on calmness. I went to bed feeling upset and perplexed by your unruly behavior throughout the day, unsure of how to improve things for tomorrow. That’s when it struck me: I had been just as irritable.
In that moment, I realized that you’re also human. I often forget you’re not my little baby anymore. You don’t rely on me for every little thing. You and your brother are growing up, eager to test your limits and have fun exploring the world around you. On hot, humid days, you both can get a bit cranky, just like me.
I’m coming to terms with the reality that this won’t be the last time it happens. We’re two distinct individuals sharing a space. For at least the next fifteen years, you’ll be under my roof and my rules, which will inevitably lead to clashes, especially since you’re growing into a person who shares many of my traits.
I know you’ll grow up to be your own person; that’s my goal—to raise you to be a kind, respectful, adventurous, and independent man. Yet, in moments when you call for me and say, “I just need you for a second, Mommy,” I’m reminded of those times when you truly needed me for everything. It’s easy to slip back into the past and wish for those moments again.
I promise I’ll get there. But for now, please understand that I’m a work in progress, just like you. I’m learning how to coexist with little humans who think they can do everything independently, while I try to ensure that the rules I set are for your safety. It’s a big adjustment from life before you came along. You, my firstborn, are paving the way, making it challenging for both of us.
As you navigate your own path—discovering what you love, what you dislike, and where your boundaries lie—I know there will be more disagreements and likely more yelling. It’ll always leave me feeling upset, but I’ll move past it. You will, too, because at the end of the day, we’re just human. I will always be there to guide, support, and love you so you can grow into the courageous, kind, fun, and independent man I strive to raise. I might need to raise my voice occasionally to make sure you hear me.
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Summary:
The author reflects on a challenging day with her children, realizing that both she and her kids are human, prone to moments of frustration. She acknowledges that as her children grow, they become more independent, leading to natural clashes. Through the chaos, she learns the importance of patience and understanding while navigating her role as a parent.