Just the other day, my son woke up late for school, spent too long in the bathroom styling his hair, and then asked me to prepare his lunch for him. My response? “Nope, not happening.” Why, you ask? Because I had already asked him the night before to pack his lunch. Our conversation went like this: “Can you please pack your lunch for tomorrow?”
“I’ll take care of it in the morning,” he replied.
“We’ve been down that road before, and it always ends in chaos. It’s less stressful if you get it ready the night before,” I reminded him. But he didn’t listen, and I chose not to remind him again.
I believe in letting natural consequences do the teaching. So, when he complained to me the next morning, I stood firm in my decision. It was tough to say no, but if my kids can’t stick to the rules, it’s not my role to change them. If I don’t enforce boundaries, they might start viewing “rules” as mere “suggestions,” and that’s a recipe for disaster. I’m not helping them or society by constantly rescuing them from their mistakes. Learning these lessons early, when the stakes are lower, is crucial.
Sure, it was hard to send my son off to school with just an apple and a granola bar instead of a full lunch. But you know what? That was the last time he forgot to pack it. Now, he diligently fills his lunchbox every night after dinner. This experience taught both of us a valuable lesson about responsibility.
In the past, I would have packed his lunch without a second thought. There was a time when I did far too much for my kids, almost to the point of being a doormat. Looking back, I realize how much better life is when you don’t raise entitled kids because you do everything for them.
Do they get upset with me? Absolutely. Do I sometimes feel guilty? Of course. But guess what? They appreciate me more now that they understand I’m not here to make everything easy for them. I still think I deserve more gratitude (ah, the joys of motherhood), but knowing they can handle things on their own creates a happier environment for everyone.
My kids aren’t perfect, and neither am I. We all have our moments of weakness, but they understand that if they fail to follow the rules, clean up after themselves, and show me respect, there are certain things I won’t do for them anymore—like buying those trendy shoes everyone seems to have.
We’re a team, and teamwork means everyone contributes. I’m here to help them, but they must also help themselves. When they notice me struggling and step in to assist, it never goes unnoticed. If I’m going to invest my time and energy into them, I expect them to express gratitude and appreciation.
Valuing what we work for is fundamental. We tend to appreciate those who nudge us toward our goals (or help us grab that loaf of bread for our sandwich). There’s dignity in being self-sufficient. It boosts children’s self-esteem when they realize how capable they are. Sure, they might roll their eyes sometimes, but deep down, they feel that sense of accomplishment.
Shifting from doing everything for them to teaching them self-reliance can be challenging. I admit I wasn’t always great at this—I mean, it’s so much easier to handle the chores myself than to hear them complain and do a mediocre job. But when you spend extended periods feeling unappreciated, it may lead to a heart-to-heart conversation in your living room.
It’s about taking responsibility, adjusting your approach, and firmly saying, “Nope, I can’t do that for you, but you are capable of doing it yourself.” Suddenly, you find yourself with more free time to scroll through social media or make plans for coffee with friends. You lighten your mental and physical load, while your kids learn the values of hard work and appreciation. It feels incredibly rewarding.
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In summary, encouraging kids to take responsibility for their actions not only fosters appreciation but also builds their confidence. It’s a win-win situation that benefits everyone in the family.