To the man who played a pivotal role in making me a mom,
Happy Father’s Day.
As I reflect on this day, it’s been over a month since you last spent time with the boys. I wonder if today might change anything. After all, this is “your day”—the day to celebrate fathers. Yet, your absence is felt deeply, and I can’t help but notice how you’re still not fully engaged as a dad.
This isn’t about making you feel guilty, nor is it a moment to overshadow your role in our sons’ lives. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Days like today make me painfully aware of how far removed you truly are, and how our children and I can’t seem to bridge that gap. Yet, as I look into their innocent eyes, I see that they still yearn for you, despite all that you’ve missed.
Even after a month without you, they still believe you’re their hero. When you canceled last weekend, their little hearts fell. They looked at me with those hopeful hazel eyes and asked, “Is daddy still sick?” My heart ached as I replied, “Yes, sweet peas, daddy’s still sick. I’m sorry.”
You chose not to answer when I called, leaving it to me to explain your absence. While it breaks my heart to see their excitement when you promise to visit, I’m grateful they still hold onto that love for you.
Currently, they love you like I once did—unconditionally and wholeheartedly. They don’t need a reason; they simply love you for being you. But here’s the truth: while their love is strong, it’s also delicate. You should be the one nurturing that love, not damaging it.
Recently, I stumbled upon a video from two Father’s Days ago. You were joyfully chasing the boys around the living room, laughter echoing through our home. You were sober and vibrant, embodying the father they deserve. In that moment, we felt like a real family—the one I always dreamed we would be.
Unfortunately, that’s not our reality today, and it’s heartbreaking. My own pain has transformed into a sense of strength. I’ve let you go, but your sons haven’t. They continue clinging to the hope that you will return, and they likely will never fully let go.
You’ll always be their father, but whether you can be their dad remains to be seen. That’s a journey you’ll need to undertake. I’m grateful that despite your absence, our boys have strong male figures in their lives, like my dad and brothers. Yet, there’s still a void—a daddy-shaped hole in their hearts that only you can fill.
Observing your life saddens me, not just for our sons but for you as well. Over time, I’ve realized that I feel more heartbroken for you than you seem to feel for yourself. It’s not until you experience your own heartbreak that you might consider changing your path.
In the meantime, your sons are the ones left to grapple with the absence of a dad. They look to me for answers about why they rarely see you and why you’re often unwell. I’m unsure if you’ll ever grasp the importance of your role. Your own father didn’t understand his, and now you’re missing yours.
Here’s my assurance to you: I will always honor your significance in our sons’ lives. I will never speak ill of you or diminish your role in their eyes. You’re doing that all on your own, and eventually, you may fade from their minds as you have from their lives.
Regardless of your choices, you are their father. And today, we will celebrate that. The boys and I will choose a card for you, and whether they hand it to you in person or we mail it, I want them to express their feelings. They may even draw you a picture. Then, we’ll move on because that’s what kids do.
But I will carry a weight in my heart—not for myself but for you and our boys. Despite your choices and the hurt they cause, I want to take a moment to say thank you. Although you’re not fulfilling the role of a dad, you gave me the gift of motherhood. It’s because of you that I get to be their mom, present for every moment you’ve chosen to miss.
So, on this Father’s Day, I celebrate you—not for the father you’ve been lately, but for the role you played in making me their mother. I hope one day you wake up and recognize what you’re missing. I pray you become more than just their father; I hope you become their dad.
Until then, thank you, and Happy Father’s Day.
Summary
This heartfelt message reflects on the complexities of Father’s Day for a mother whose partner has been absent. The writer expresses gratitude for their role as a mother while acknowledging the emotional toll of their children’s longing for a father. The letter underscores the importance of maintaining respect for the father figure, even amidst disappointment, and hopes for future change.
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