Dear Mark,
As we celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary, I’ve found myself reflecting deeply on what I want to share with you. It’s rare for me to feel lost for words, so I pondered why this occasion feels different. I could easily say “I love you,” which is undeniably true, but it seems insufficient. I could mention that you are my best friend, and while that is accurate, it fails to encompass all that I feel after five years of marriage and twelve years of being partners in life.
Rather than recounting everything I could say, let me highlight the unsaid moments — the silences that have defined our journey together:
- Silence — when our loved ones gathered to pray for us before we exchanged vows. The crowd melted away, and in that sacred hush, it was just us.
- Silence — the evening we spent on the beach in Maui, just after our wedding. I had etched my new last name in the sand, and together we watched the sun dip below the horizon as the waves caressed my letters.
- Silence — during the challenging months when we hoped to welcome our first child. Each month, I longed for good news but struggled to find the words to share our disappointment.
- Silence — when you held my hand in the delivery room, waiting for our daughter’s first cry. Though the birth didn’t go as planned, it was our first lesson in parenthood.
- Silence — as you adapted to your new overnight shift, a necessary change for our family. Your dedication doesn’t go unnoticed.
- Silence — when we found ourselves in front of the screen, hearing Netflix ask if we were still watching “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.” Yes, we were!
- Silence — after 15 months, when our first baby finally slept through the night. What a relief that was!
- Silence — as we anticipated the ultrasound tech’s reveal of our second baby’s gender. You were right; another girl!
- Silence — when we sat in the special care unit, waiting to hold our second daughter. Those moments of uncertainty brought us closer.
- Silence — when you stayed up all night caring for our sick toddler while I tended to the baby.
- Silence — during that long car ride, after both kids finally drifted off to sleep. Yes, we were the ones following the Red Sox on our road trip.
- Silence — as I navigated my anxiety this past year, and you patiently learned how to support me.
- Silence — when you lost someone close to you. I held your knee as you delivered the eulogy, sharing in your grief.
- Silence — during our disagreements over trivial matters, like to-do lists or grocery items.
- Silence — when we tackled the bigger challenges, like maintaining balance in our hectic lives or parenting.
- Silence — when we’d argue, and you would still reach for my hand in the dark, reminding me of your love.
These moments of silence matter to me. I understand that life moves at a breakneck pace — between work, the girls, coaching, and everything else. Sometimes, our silences are not even a choice; they are the result of our busy lives. But know that within those quiet moments, I’ve felt immense power.
Some silences are heavy with unspoken feelings, while others lift the weight off our shoulders. What matters is that I can sit beside you in silence and feel completely at peace. There exists a multitude of unspoken understandings between us, and sometimes, nothing needs to be articulated.
So tonight, on our fifth anniversary, I hope we can embrace a moment of silence together. Let’s hold hands and reflect on the beautiful life we’re building, as well as the exciting adventures still to come. I love you deeply, and while I didn’t need to say that, I hope you feel it in every moment we share.
Happy anniversary.