“Sleep when your baby sleeps” is the most common advice new parents hear. However, seasoned parents know that little ones tend to operate on their own schedules, regardless of what we wish for.
Unfortunately, there’s more to this story. A recent study reveals that there’s no quick fix for the sleepless nights that can stretch on for the first six years of your child’s life. Yes, you read that right—six long years of sleep deprivation may accompany you until your child enters elementary school.
As a mother of four ranging from a toddler to a pre-teen, I can confirm that my husband and I haven’t experienced a full night’s sleep since 2008. We are utterly exhausted. And if you’re a parent, chances are you can relate.
While it’s expected to have sleepless nights when your baby struggles to differentiate between day and night, the truth is that many children continue to disrupt sleep well into their toddler years. Do those long nights wear us down? Absolutely. But we have to accept that it is part of the journey.
Instead of telling new parents to “sleep when baby sleeps,” I offer a dose of reality: you’ll need plenty of coffee. If you can manage a power nap at work, take it—your secret is safe with me. And I won’t judge any parent fighting to stay awake during their child’s marathon of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.
Daytime parenting is a relentless challenge. Many of us juggle our favorite caffeinated beverage in one hand while wrangling our energetic toddlers with the other. Missing out on the restorative power of sleep? That’s a whole different level of fatigue—think of it as a party without any fun.
The truth is, our nighttime awakenings aren’t as peaceful as a cozy diaper commercial. Instead, they often feel like uninvited parties at 3 a.m. Your toddler might have a blow-out diaper situation that leaves you contemplating drastic measures. Your preschooler could be having nightmares, thanks to your partner’s questionable movie choices. Or perhaps your kindergartner just picked up a stomach bug from the babysitter. Sometimes, there’s no apparent reason; they simply want to be awake.
Congratulations, parents—you’re in for hours of wakefulness. Some friends of mine have turned to melatonin to help their kids sleep. Like many others, we’ve tried everything from lavender lotion to weighted blankets, and even soothing music. We’ve experimented with warm milk and gentle bedtime stories, but the odds are high that you’ll fall asleep before your little one does. If you do, expect to wake up in the middle of the night with a stiff neck, only to set off a crying alarm as soon as you try to sneak out.
I swear my kids must pass an invisible baton to each other, taking turns to wake us up between midnight and five a.m. The reasons vary—bad dreams, thirst, or even random queries about dinner plans for the next day.
Let’s face it: no amount of overpriced essential oils is going to guarantee a good night’s sleep for your child.
So, what’s the solution? Here’s a hard truth: we need to accept that some of our children will struggle with sleep for years. Instead of fighting this reality, let’s find ways to adapt. If that means lying down with your preschooler until they’re nearly ready for first grade, then do it. If it involves scheduling who gets up with the kids on different nights, go for it. If you need to keep buying pull-ups for your five-year-old to manage nighttime wetting, stock up.
Prioritize your family’s rest however you can, and remember, you’re not alone in this exhausting phase of life. Don’t feel disheartened if your new-mom friend brags about her two-month-old sleeping through the night—her experience is not the norm.
This challenging time will eventually pass. Until it does, coffee and under-eye cream are your best friends.
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Summary
Parenting can lead to years of sleep deprivation, as research shows that many children struggle to sleep through the night until they reach elementary school. Rather than fighting this reality, parents should find ways to adapt to their child’s sleep patterns, whether that means co-sleeping or scheduling nighttime duties with their partner. Accepting this phase and supporting one another can help navigate the exhaustion.