Before I became a parent, the notion that breastfeeding was the best choice had firmly taken root in my mind. When I had my first child, my experience aligned perfectly with that belief. My milk came in as expected, and my son latched on effortlessly from the start. He breastfed exclusively for six months and continued until he was 15 months old, gradually weaning himself without any fuss. It was a serene and straightforward journey.
However, my second experience was entirely different. My second child, Lucas, struggled from day one. Despite his efforts, he just didn’t quite grasp the concept of nursing. It wasn’t long before I sought help from a lactation consultant, who introduced me to a nipple shield. When that didn’t work, we explored bottles, cups, and even tiny syringes, all at the recommendation of his pediatrician. It took a full month for him to regain his birth weight, and each ounce was a battle.
Feeding him became a nightmare. He was indifferent to nursing and would only accept a bottle if we took him outside for a walk. I found myself nursing, pumping extra to supplement, and obsessing over his weight and diaper output. My determination to keep him exclusively on breastmilk led to sleepless nights, with me only managing 90 minutes of rest at a time. Every feeding session filled me with anxiety, leaving me shaken and in tears, in stark contrast to my first experience.
As Lucas approached four months, my husband gently expressed concern about my fixation on nursing. He pointed out that while our baby was finally gaining weight, it was clear my stress was escalating. I realized he was right but felt devastated when I fed him his first bottle of formula. Surprisingly, Lucas loved it, which motivated him to take the bottle more easily. From that moment on, he began to thrive, quickly catching up with his peers in weight. Eventually, he even started accepting pumped breast milk without any fuss and continued nursing a couple of times a day.
Looking back, I recognize that I was grappling with postpartum anxiety, but back then, I was convinced that even though formula changed Lucas’s life, it was somehow second best. I thought it was essential to gradually wean him off the bottle and back to the breast. Remarkably, that approach worked. As I reduced the formula, he began nursing more frequently. In the end, my hard-to-feed baby breastfed until he was 14 months old, almost matching the duration of my first child’s nursing journey.
You might expect me to use my story to encourage others to persist in their breastfeeding efforts, but that’s not my intention. Instead, I want to emphasize that I endured unnecessary suffering. I allowed the belief that breast is best to dictate my life, causing me to miss out on precious moments of joy with my baby.
Reflecting on the first six months of Lucas’s life, most of my memories are tied to feeding struggles, and it was entirely avoidable. Even as he struggled, I held onto the belief that my milk was the only option. While I generally don’t have many regrets, I deeply regret not recognizing that Lucas needed formula to thrive.
Breastfeeding can be wonderful; breastmilk has undeniable benefits, and I fully support it when it works for everyone involved. However, it isn’t always the best choice. It is not the optimal solution when your baby is hungry and frustrated or when you are overwhelmed with anxiety and fatigue from a demanding pumping and feeding schedule.
Currently, I’m pregnant with our third child, feeling the familiar twinge in my breasts as they prepare for breastfeeding. I hope this baby will latch on like my first, allowing me to nurse for a year or so. While I’d prefer breastfeeding for financial and health reasons, I refuse to endure the same obsession this time around. If this baby struggles with nursing like Lucas did, I’ll happily stock up on formula without a second thought.
Breastfeeding is a beautiful option, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of my happiness and peace. I am determined not to sacrifice those essential aspects of life again.
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Summary
In this article, Emily shares her contrasting experiences with breastfeeding her two children. While her first child thrived on breastmilk, her second faced significant challenges that led her to reconsider the notion that “breast is best.” Emily’s journey highlights the importance of recognizing when breastfeeding may not be the right choice for both the mother and child, advocating for the acceptance of formula when necessary for the well-being of the baby and the mother’s peace of mind.