As a woman of color, I’ve always had a complex relationship with certain words. One word in particular—the n-word—has never found a place in my vocabulary. I’ve never felt the need to reclaim it, and I don’t even type it out when discussing it. When listening to songs like “Gold Digger,” I stick to the radio-friendly edits. My parents never used that word, and as a result, it never became a part of my casual speech.
Living in a household with just me and my son means that when one of us picks a show, the other is along for the ride. I usually choose to watch adult content after he’s asleep, mainly because he’s at an age where curiosity leads to a barrage of questions. He also loves to repeat anything that makes him laugh, so I try to limit the exposure to inappropriate language and themes.
Recently, my son stumbled upon Trevor Noah’s Netflix special, Son of Patricia. After spotting a billboard featuring Noah, he exclaimed, “Mommy, it’s the taco guy!” (There’s a hilarious segment about his first taco experience.) He then requested to watch it again, and since I was exhausted and it would keep him entertained, I agreed.
The themes in Son of Patricia are relatively light-hearted, focusing on Noah’s experiences. Given that both my son and Noah share a mixed heritage—my son has a white father and a black mother—I thought it was nice for him to see a reflection of himself, even if Noah is significantly older and from a different background. After we watched it, my son became enamored with the special, asking to view it again and again.
While the show is overall mild, Noah does use the n-word frequently, often as a way to discuss racism rather than for shock value. I was caught off guard when my son mimicked the punchline, saying, “nigga, please,” which is how the special ends. Instinctively, I tensed up and called him over.
“Hey buddy, we don’t say that word, okay?”
“Is it a bad word?” he asked innocently.
I hesitated, grappling with my feelings about labeling words as good or bad. Words are tools, and their impact depends on context. However, I needed to find a clear answer for my five-year-old, whose grasp of language was still evolving. I never anticipated having a conversation about the n-word with him at this age, but here we were.
“No, it’s not really a bad word,” I explained with a sigh. “But it is a mean word, and definitely not one for kids to repeat.”
“Why?” he replied, a look of confusion on his face.
How do I explain something as complex as racism to a child who has yet to encounter discrimination? Thankfully, he hasn’t experienced prejudice due to his skin color, and I’ve been fortunate enough never to have been called the n-word directly.
“Sometimes, people who are peach like you don’t like people who are brown like me,” I said while holding him close. He has fair skin like his father, which often leads to him being misidentified.
“Why?”
“Because they’ve been taught to dislike others based solely on skin color. They use that word to hurt feelings,” I responded, searching for any sign that he understood.
“And it makes them sad,” he concluded, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
“Exactly. That’s why I never want to hear you say it, okay? Even though Trevor wasn’t using it to be mean, we don’t say it in our home.”
As a mother, it’s crucial for me to guide my son through the complexities of race and identity. He may have privileges that other black boys don’t, which means I need to instill in him an understanding of racism from my perspective while helping him apply it to his own experiences. I know this will be just the first of many conversations we’ll have about race.
I consider myself fortunate that we could have this discussion in a relatively safe context. We could have been having this talk because someone used the word in a harmful way towards him, but thankfully, his initial encounters with it have been framed positively, as part of a joke rather than a weapon. However, I am aware that one day, he may hear it used maliciously, and I want him to be prepared.
Talking about racism with children can be daunting, especially for those who may not experience it directly. This moment made me acutely aware of the challenges faced by black mothers in America. For many of my peers, these conversations often happen in more immediate, pressing contexts. I never take my privilege for granted, but I also recognize that non-black parents must have these tough dialogues with their children as well. Racism is pervasive, and teaching our kids to be better can help create a kinder world for all children.
For more insights on this topic, check out this article and consider exploring resources like NICHD for information on pregnancy. If you’re looking to boost fertility, Make A Mom has some great recommendations.
Summary
A mother navigates a delicate conversation with her young son after he innocently repeats a punchline from Trevor Noah’s comedy special, Son of Patricia. She reflects on the complexities of discussing racism and identity, especially given their mixed background. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding language, the implications of certain words, and the need for ongoing dialogues about race as her son grows.