Last year, a friend of mine shared an intriguing post on social media discussing an article by an Australian expert on sexuality. The article proposed that we should teach our babies about consent by asking for their permission before changing their diapers. Initially, I, like many others, found this idea rather unconventional. After all, babies can’t speak, so how can they truly give consent? Plus, diaper changes are a necessity, not a negotiation. However, one point she made struck me: the importance of instilling a “culture of consent” within the family from the very start.
Although the term “consent” might sound odd in the context of diaper changes, the expert emphasized that even without verbal communication, it’s valuable to use language of consent and maintain eye contact with our little ones. This practice helps to convey that we are:
- Present
- Acknowledging their existence
- Including them in the process
- Valuing their responses
In essence, engaging in dialogue during diaper changes and making eye contact is a way to show respect and teach our children that they deserve it.
When we take a moment to reflect, we realize that infants often receive very little respect and autonomy. Many times, they are viewed merely as extensions of their parents, and as they grow, we often try to control their behavior, all with the best intentions of guiding them to be good individuals. However, this approach can neglect the fundamental aspect of respect.
To illustrate this point, imagine being very elderly, unable to care for yourself or even communicate. You would rely entirely on a caregiver for everything, including diaper changes. Now, picture going through these essential tasks without any dialogue or eye contact. Sounds unsettling, right? I would want to know what’s happening, even if I couldn’t voice it.
Unfortunately, we often go about caregiving for our babies in a similar manner, treating each diaper change as just another task on our to-do list. Instead, we can choose to be fully present, informing our babies about what we are doing (e.g., “I’m going to wipe you now”) and thus offering them the respect they deserve.
It’s important to clarify that this isn’t about asking for permission, as these caregiving actions are necessary. Rather, it’s about including them in the process and treating them as we would wish to be treated. Personally, I’ve found that when I communicate with my daughter and make eye contact during diaper changes, it often leads to a smoother experience. This respectful mindset seems to extend beyond just diaper changes.
As children grow—especially toddlers—it becomes crucial to ask for permission regarding physical affection. Even infants provide cues about their comfort levels; we simply need to pay attention and respond accordingly.
This philosophy of treating infants with respect from day one is reflected in the teachings of Magda Gerber, the founder of RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) parenting. RIE emphasizes giving children autonomy and actively involving them, while always treating them respectfully. Diaper changes are just one aspect of this approach, which also encourages parents to inform children before physical actions, such as picking them up or dressing them, as well as communicating about where we’re going or when we’ll return.
Learning about this parenting style transformed my perspective. I realized that my daughter, whom I carried for nine months and cared for deeply, is her own person. Even from birth, she was separate and whole. This realization has prompted me to show her respect now, not just when she grows up.
Parenting is a continuous learning journey for me. I sometimes struggle with being patient and respectful, and I don’t always apply RIE principles perfectly. Yet, I’m hopeful that these small changes will make a difference over time.
For further insights on parenting and related topics, you might find this article on this page interesting. Additionally, if you’re exploring resources for pregnancy or home insemination, I recommend visiting Progyny’s blog for excellent information. For specific products, check out Make A Mom’s Insemination Kit.
Summary:
This article discusses the importance of fostering a culture of consent with infants, particularly during diaper changes. By engaging in dialogue and showing respect, parents can help their children feel acknowledged and valued. The author reflects on the teachings of RIE parenting and emphasizes the significance of treating babies as individuals deserving of respect from birth.