To all the amazing dads out there, I truly hope you have a fantastic Father’s Day. I recognize that some families without a father figure choose to celebrate mothers or other caregivers on this day. They often feel they embody both roles and want that acknowledgment. I completely support that. Celebrating family in all its diverse forms is essential, and love comes in many shapes and sizes.
Each year, I receive well-meaning Father’s Day wishes. However, I must clarify: I don’t want to be celebrated on this day. I’m not a father.
I have no desire to be labeled as both mother and father, and I find it frustrating that some people assume I would welcome that title. Being referred to as a part-dad feels just as uncomfortable as being called “sir.” Sure, I might engage in typical dad-like activities or wear clothing typically associated with men, but that doesn’t make me a father.
I’m proud of who I am and I have no qualms about my identity. I’m a gay woman who loves another woman, and we are raising three wonderful kids together. My children have two moms, not a dad. While I appreciate the kindness behind the Father’s Day greetings, I must stand firm: I don’t want them. I had my special day in May, and in our household, we celebrate Mothers’ Day.
Experiencing Father’s Day Through My Child’s Eyes
My eldest child, Mia, has been in daycare since she was just six months old. We chose a school known for its diversity and excellent reputation. As her classroom began crafting art projects for Father’s Day, my partner and I were curious about how the teachers would handle the situation. When Mia was one and two, her comprehension was limited. Most of her art projects were simple handprints or footprints. The teachers did an admirable job, writing “Mommy” instead of “Daddy” in a poem atop a butterfly created from her tiny feet.
By the time Mia turned three, she was much more aware of the world around her, and I found myself anxious about how she would process Father’s Day. For Mother’s Day, her class hosted a delightful breakfast complete with songs and gifts, and I was happy to participate. But my thoughts quickly turned to the upcoming Father’s Day celebration, picturing my sweet Mia as the only child without a dad.
She approaches life with confidence, dancing around in public without a care, but would she feel comfortable being the odd one out in a room full of peers? Is she secure enough to celebrate fathers even though she doesn’t have one? Can she proudly acknowledge that she has two moms?
Creating New Traditions
We asked Mia’s teachers to have her create her Father’s Day project for her grandfather, whom we lovingly refer to as Pop-Pop. Mia has always understood that she has two moms, and she knows some of her friends have both a mom and dad. She even recognizes when I try to give some fictional characters in her books two moms or two dads. It’s amusing how she notices the lack of diversity in beloved stories, like those from the Berenstain Bears.
When Mia plays with her toys, she often assigns them a mom and dad. Even her imaginary friends come with a complete set of parents. This bothers me—not because she yearns for a dad or loves me any less, but because the narrative around her is overwhelmingly traditional.
It’s concerning that, even as a toddler, she grasps that her family is accepted and cherished by those around her, yet she’s still aware that she’s different from her friends. The absence of same-sex parents in media is glaringly obvious, and I wish she could see more reflections of her family in the stories she adores.
Understanding and Acceptance
The silver lining is that my concerns weigh heavier on me than they do on her. She created a lovely Father’s Day gift for Pop-Pop without hesitation, and when we explained we wouldn’t attend the Father’s Day lunch, her friend expressed concern.
“But Mia doesn’t have a daddy, who will be here for her?” he asked.
Interestingly, Mia didn’t seem to mind, but my partner encouraged her to give her friend’s dad a hug for Father’s Day, just as her friend had hugged us for Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, many dads couldn’t attend, and I’m left wondering how Mia would react in a setting meant to celebrate something she doesn’t have.
One day, her friends—and hopefully society—will understand that my partner and I will always be there for Mia. She doesn’t need a dad, nor do we need to be wished a happy Father’s Day. Such gestures undermine the hard work that gay and lesbian parents put into being seen as equals to straight parents. Imposing a presumptive label, even with good intentions, suggests that both a mother and father are essential for raising a child. Children can be nurtured and loved by either gender, and a family doesn’t need to fit into a traditional mold to thrive.
Conclusion
In the end, it’s about love, support, and the bonds we create. After all, every family is unique, and all deserve recognition in their own way. For those navigating the journey of parenthood, this article on pregnancy and home insemination is an excellent resource. And if you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, check out this reputable retailer for quality syringe kits.
Summary
This blog post discusses the complexities of navigating Father’s Day as a gay parent, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging diverse family structures. The author shares personal experiences with their children and reflects on societal assumptions about parental roles, advocating for a broader understanding of family that doesn’t conform to traditional norms.
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