During my first pregnancy, a family friend was arrested on serious charges related to child exploitation. The child he attempted to exploit had the courage to refuse his advances and promptly informed his parents. Thanks to their guidance on “body rules,” the child was able to protect himself and minimize harm. The perpetrator faced justice, all due to the bravery of that young boy.
As a soon-to-be mother, I was already grappling with anxiety about raising my child in a world that can be frightening. The revelation that someone I once trusted was a predator was a shocking wake-up call. I understood that child predators don’t announce themselves, and the reality of being close to one shook me deeply.
I realized that if I wanted my child to be empowered against anyone who might harm him, I needed to teach him about saying no, bodily autonomy, and the importance of understanding appropriate touch. We would implement body rules to give him the tools to navigate the world safely.
In general, I pride myself on being an open communicator with my kids. We engage in healthy discussions about various important topics, from emotions to societal issues. I strive to create a safe space where they can express their feelings and thoughts, and we talk about everything from the complexities of life to the joys of childhood.
However, when it comes to discussing their safety, my anxiety often gets the better of me. Imagining my child in dangerous situations leaves me feeling paralyzed, whether it’s concerning a busy street or a potential predator. My fear occasionally muddies the clarity of the body rules message I aim to convey.
While I’ve certainly managed to impart some useful teachings during calm moments, I’ve also inadvertently transmitted some of my own fears. This became especially clear when I dropped my son off at vacation Bible school. He hopped out of the van, cheerful and ready, but then paused to remind me, “Don’t worry, if any tricky people try to come in the bathroom with me, I’ll tell them to go away.”
I was taken aback. Is that really what he thinks he should be concerned about during his time at church? I assured him that I was proud of his understanding of body rules but felt a pang of sadness that he carried such a burden of worry. Children should be free to play and explore, not preoccupied by fears of potential threats.
While I recognize the world is full of dangers, I don’t want to instill a sense of helplessness in my kids. It’s not their job to be vigilant for predators; it’s my responsibility to ensure they are in safe situations and can enjoy their childhood without the weight of anxiety.
Realizing the impact of my communication, I decided it was time to revisit the conversation about body rules with a focus on positivity. I knew a formal discussion might heighten my son’s anxiety, so instead, I casually brought up the topic over a few days as he created a paper plate necklace for me at VBS.
We shifted our focus away from the potential dangers and instead celebrated the amazing things our bodies can do. We explored how our bodies grow, how they heal, and the incredible systems that keep us healthy. We read books and watched videos that highlighted the beauty of the human body, emphasizing that there is nothing shameful about it—only wonderful aspects to appreciate.
I also revisited the concept of consent, explaining how it involves giving permission for someone to touch our bodies. I clarified that while adults have different body rules, it’s crucial to understand that children are not yet ready to give consent, and that’s why laws exist to protect them.
Since this discussion, my son has asked insightful questions, and I’m relieved to see a reduction in his worries. It was beneficial for both of us to have this positive dialogue about bodies, and I’ve found a more constructive way to communicate my thoughts going forward.
As my children grow, these foundational lessons will set the stage for more complex topics such as safe sex and consent in the future. I want them to understand that they are the decision-makers regarding their own bodies. This knowledge will not only help protect them from predators but also promote healthy relationships as they mature.
Equipping my boys with the understanding that responsibility for protection lies with them—whether it’s about contraception or STI prevention—is vital. I aim to foster a mindset that consent is clear and respectful, emphasizing that no one has rights over another’s body.
Now that I have clarified my messaging and established a positive approach, I feel more confident about revisiting these conversations as needed. It’s empowering to know I am prepared for these discussions now and in the future.
For more insights on parenting and bodily autonomy, you can check out this blog post. Additionally, for authoritative information about home insemination, visit Make a Mom and the Genetics and IVF Institute.
Summary:
In this article, Emma Thompson reflects on her anxiety as a new mother and its impact on discussions about bodily autonomy and safety with her children. After realizing her fears were overshadowing important messages, she shifted her approach to focus on the positive aspects of the human body and the concept of consent. This new perspective aims to empower her children and prepare them for future conversations about relationships and safety.