When I was young, I had an experience that shaped my perspective on sleepovers. At just seven years old, I went to a friend’s house, where she shared with me something her cousin taught her—something that felt good but also made me uncomfortable. This led to moments of molestation that I didn’t understand at the time. It wasn’t just at her house; it happened during playdates at mine too. We would sneak away to hide, and I felt a mix of confusion and fear about what was happening. I worried about things I couldn’t comprehend, like getting pregnant, but I instinctively knew that these encounters were wrong.
The feelings of shame and guilt overwhelmed me, leading me to confess to a priest with a rushed statement, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched someone and let someone else touch me.” Eventually, I mustered the strength to distance myself from her, pretending I was busy whenever she invited me over. Our mothers stopped running the same Girl Scout troop, and I never spoke of it again until I reached college.
This experience is a significant reason why I don’t permit my children to attend sleepovers. Many people don’t realize that children can be perpetrators of sexual abuse. According to the CDC, one in four women and one in six men were sexually abused before the age of 18, and the abusers can be of any age. The Children’s Assessment Center of Houston defines sexual abuse as any sexual activity between minors when one coerces the other. Alarmingly, Darkness to Light, a child sexual abuse prevention organization, reports that up to 40% of sexually abused children are victimized by older or more powerful peers.
I worry deeply about my kids. Statistics indicate that 90% of abused children know their assailants, and 60% are harmed by someone the family trusts. The most vulnerable ages for children are between 7 and 13, which is prime sleepover territory.
In addition to my concerns about sexual abuse, I also fear exposure to pornography. In today’s digital age, this fear is justified. The New York Times highlights that 42% of children aged 10 to 17 have encountered pornography online. While the estimated average age for first exposure to porn is often cited as 11, it may be closer to 14. Regardless, I can control my own internet settings, but I can’t monitor what my children’s friends might access on their devices, especially with unsecured iPads.
The nature of available pornography today is starkly different from what it used to be. It is often high-resolution, explicit, and can include graphic violence. Some children learn about sex through this content, leading to distorted perceptions. As Virginia Commonwealth University professor Jennifer Johnson notes, excessive consumption of porn can lead to a preference for it over real-life encounters, which is alarming.
I don’t know which kids or parents I can fully trust, so for now, sleepovers are off the table in our home. When asked, we simply say that our kids sleep under our roof. As they grow older, we may need to reconsider this decision, but we will ensure there is adequate supervision and have open discussions with other parents about our concerns, similar to how one would address firearm safety before a playdate. I’d rather express my worries than take unnecessary risks. I don’t want my children to face abuse or exposure to inappropriate content. So, for now, sleepovers are a no-go.
This is a conversation that needs to happen, as it is crucial to protect our children in this ever-changing world. For more information and resources, consider checking out this excellent source on pregnancy and home insemination, or explore this post for further insights. Additionally, Make a Mom is a great authority on the topic.
Summary
The author shares a personal story about childhood experiences that led to a firm decision against allowing sleepovers for her children. She expresses concerns about sexual abuse among minors and the risks of exposure to pornography in today’s digital age. The piece highlights the statistics surrounding child abuse, emphasizing the need for vigilance and open communication with other parents to ensure the safety of children.