Have you ever felt like your insides have been torn apart and then carelessly shoved back inside? That’s the sensation of financial betrayal. Externally, you might maintain a facade of normalcy, but internally, chaos reigns. I can relate. My partner has deceived me in both emotional and financial realms. (He still insists there was never any physical infidelity.)
Looking Back
Let’s rewind. Fifteen years ago, my partner made the decision to leave his stable, high-paying job to pursue a career in real estate. With a sizable inheritance from his father, I was fully supportive. We were optimistic about what lay ahead.
A few years later, however, he had only sold a couple of homes, citing fierce competition as the reason. We began to rely on loans and, in a desperate attempt to support him, I sold my engagement ring and cashed out my 401K, convinced that success was just around the corner. At this point, we had four children and struggled to even fill our gas tank. When his car broke down and he couldn’t afford repairs, I found myself stranded at home without transportation.
Holding On
Yet, I continued to believe in him. I talked to friends and even strangers at the grocery store to drum up business for him. They mentioned that he often failed to return calls. I should have sensed something was off, but my commitment to our vows kept me hopeful. I thought, “We’ll get through this.”
Then he began borrowing money from our eldest child. It was heartbreaking for all of us. When I learned that he was spending time at “the office,” I discovered he was mingling with a group of realtors who were more interested in socializing than actual work. These were not dedicated professionals, but rather spouses of affluent individuals. Meanwhile, my family was scraping by, often sharing a box of mac and cheese for dinner. He seemed more captivated by these acquaintances than by the struggles we faced at home.
Confrontation and False Promises
After confronting him, he pleaded for forgiveness and promised to change. For a brief period, he did make an effort. We celebrated birthdays with gifts and cake—though my birthday always fell during a rough patch. I held onto the hope that things would improve.
Unfortunately, the good times were fleeting. He often claimed he was working hard and trying to make things better, yet nothing changed. Then he proposed selling our home, excitedly claiming he had a buyer lined up who would allow us to rent for a couple of years as we got back on our feet. My mind raced with dreams of a joyful Christmas, receiving a real birthday gift (selfish, I know, but imagine going a decade without one), and grocery shopping without the fear of a declined card.
Just months later, I received a text from his mother stating she would ensure we received her check before rent was due. My heart sank. I had only managed to buy groceries and pay a few bills. It was the month before my birthday, and I was still trying to get health insurance.
The Breaking Point
I confronted him again. This time, he accused me of overspending and losing control. He yelled that I wasn’t supporting him and was squandering our finances. I cried, and he yelled more. After falling ill with the flu and praying nightly for my recovery, he claimed we couldn’t afford a doctor’s visit.
I spent months berating myself, feeling foolish for trusting him with our finances. Behind my back, he had pawned his car to cover bills after exhausting our friends’ willingness to lend money. His car was gone, and once again, I lost mine.
Almost a year after selling our house, I reviewed my journal and my spending, realizing it was impossible that I had spent all the money we had. Upon further investigation, I discovered numerous large ATM withdrawals at a strip club—totalling tens of thousands.
When I confronted him, he initially lied but eventually admitted he felt more accepted there than at home. I fell apart. I had missed out on a birthday, lacked health insurance, and was emotionally overwhelmed. He expressed regret, asserting he would change. And, surprisingly, he did—for a little while.
Facing Eviction
Now, we are on the brink of eviction, and I’ve learned that he hasn’t filed taxes for years. He begs for another chance, claiming he has found faith and will ensure our family is taken care of. I find it difficult to look at him.
I have no financial means to leave him, and with only one car, I can’t just throw him out. Friends reach out, offering prayers, convinced that counseling can fix everything. I’m beyond talking.
At nearly 50 years old and having been out of the workforce for two decades, my children are ready to walk away from him. I know I need to make a change, but fear holds me back. He’s back to saying he will work hard, but I struggle to trust him.
Looking Ahead
I’m uncertain how this story will unfold. I wish I could believe in happy endings, but I find myself wanting to be the one to rescue me. I just need to figure out how.
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In summary, after years of emotional and financial deceit, I find myself at a crossroads, grappling with the fear of leaving a toxic relationship while hoping for a brighter future.