Confession: I really dislike my name. I mean, I truly can’t stand it.
Honestly, it’s not a bad name on its own. In fact, I appreciate it when I hear it used for others; it just doesn’t feel right for me. Most people don’t even call me by my actual name, and there have been times when I wished I could just change it altogether. To compromise, I often go by a shortened version—Ellie. In the past, I’ve also been known as Liz or Liza.
There are countless reasons someone might be unhappy with their name. It could be perceived as too common or too unique, too lengthy or too short, or perhaps it leads to unflattering nicknames. For me, it’s a combination of all those factors.
My mother chose my name as it’s my grandmother’s middle name. That’s a nice sentiment, and I adored my grandmother dearly, but my sister got the first name. I’ve always felt a bit slighted by that choice. Sorry, Mom.
When I was growing up, my parents never called me by my actual name. For reasons I still don’t understand, they insisted on calling me Bella. Every single relative followed suit. Even now, my dad and aunt still use Bella. (Bella: I liked it so much more than my real name that I tried to introduce myself as that for a while, but it never really caught on). Whenever they used my full name, I knew I was in serious trouble. So, I ended up associating my name with anger and reprimands.
My partner frequently calls me Gorgeous, using my real name only when he’s really upset. It’s similar to how I call him Bear and reserve his full name, Nathan, for when I’m particularly annoyed. So, once again, I find my name tied to feelings of displeasure.
When I started school, my classmates collectively decided to call me Liz, likely because they didn’t want to say a name with four syllables. Unfortunately, Liz rhymes with fizz (as in soda). So, I endured the unfortunate nickname throughout school. I despised my name, yet no one would call me anything else.
I attempted to persuade everyone to use Liza instead, which I preferred. A friend who rode horses with me was the only one who consistently used it. That name actually held some positive associations for me. However, everyone felt the need to shorten it again, leaving me back where I began. Throughout middle and high school, some close friends did call me Liza, and I didn’t mind that one. If only everyone would leave it as Liza, I might embrace it fully. But alas, the shortening continues.
Parents, take heed: think carefully before naming your child something with more than two syllables, unless you want them to end up with a nickname. If you wish for them to go by the name you’ve chosen, opt for something shorter. One of my sons has a one-syllable name, another has two syllables, and the third has a three-syllable name I’m not fond of. People mispronounce it constantly, and I often misspell it just to make it look better, which ironically makes it easier for people to pronounce correctly. I chose this name, even though I prefer his two-syllable nickname, Gus. Four-syllable names can be a mouthful. Even my three-syllable partner Nathan inevitably gets shortened to Nate by everyone except his mother.
Eventually, you hit a breaking point when you’re unhappy with your name. You can either accept it or decide to fight back. I chose to fight back. After being fed up with correcting people who used my full name or nicknames I disliked, I took to social media and shared a long post detailing my frustrations. I explained my reasoning and requested that people call me by my preferred name. And you know what? It actually worked.
Well, except when my partner and I are arguing about whose turn it is to do the dishes.
We are all unique individuals, coming together through shared experiences. We are not just defined by our roles, but also as friends, partners, daughters, and more. For additional insights and conversations beyond parenting, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on home insemination. Also, if you’re looking for guidance regarding fertility, this resource from Make a Mom is a great place to start. For comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, this link can provide valuable support.
In summary, names can carry a lot of weight and influence our identities. Finding a name that resonates with us is essential, and it’s never too late to advocate for what we prefer.