During my oldest child’s freshman year in high school, he went through a particularly tough phase that left me feeling helpless. I was already worried about the upheaval in his life—his father and I had separated, he was adjusting to a new school, and he was grappling with numerous changes. Initially, he seemed to handle everything well, making friends and adapting to his new environment.
Then, one evening, I discovered him smoking marijuana right beneath our deck. I was preparing for bed, the deck was directly below my bedroom window, and I called him inside. “Just a minute,” he replied, which only raised my suspicions. I figured he needed some fresh air, but just moments later, the unmistakable scent of weed wafted through my window. By the time I confronted him, he was visibly high. After a difficult conversation, I put him to bed and spent the next two hours in tears.
The following day, my swollen red eyes were a stark contrast to my clarity of mind. I pressed him for details about where he had obtained the marijuana and the elaborate pipe, but all I got was the revelation that this wasn’t his first experience with drugs. “It helps with my anxiety,” he confessed. This admission made me realize that he was crying out for help, albeit in a misguided way. Instead of punishing him, I chose to be more available to him. I encouraged open conversations about his feelings and stressed that at 14, he should not be using drugs.
I prayed for guidance and hope. A few weeks later, I received another alarming call: he had been caught smoking marijuana on school grounds with an older student. They chose to indulge before class, leading to a week-long suspension just as his father was heading to Paris with his new partner. I was overwhelmed and felt utterly lost.
I had work commitments, and I couldn’t let my son spend the entire week glued to the TV. I reached out for help, which was difficult for me. Thankfully, my sister, who runs a small farm, agreed to let him work there. “The harder the better,” I insisted. She was eager to help and reassured me that maybe she could offer him a perspective I couldn’t. My son has always had a close bond with his aunt, and I hoped she could reach him in ways I couldn’t.
For a few days, he worked diligently, and when he returned to school, there seemed to be a shift in his attitude. However, it didn’t last. A couple of months later, he was involved in a fight at school, resulting in another suspension. To make matters worse, he shared a video of the incident on social media, leading to even more serious consequences. The threat of expulsion loomed over him.
I was out of my depth. Having always followed the rules and raised my children to do the same, I felt a profound sense of failure. I knew I needed to take more significant action, so I sought out a cognitive behavioral therapist who specialized in boys like my son. He was clearly struggling with anger and uncertainty and needed professional support.
I also reached out to the school principal, requesting a meeting with the superintendent to discuss the potential consequences of expulsion. I was surprised when they agreed. That Friday, my son and I met with the superintendent, who laid out the reality of his situation. It made a significant impact on my son, who left that meeting with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
This experience occurred two years ago, and since then, the school hasn’t contacted me about his behavior. It would have been easy to retreat into silence, to hide our struggles, but seeking help was crucial. I was embarrassed and disappointed, but my son needed assistance, and so did I.
If your child is facing challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. There are people who want to help, and sometimes, allowing others to step in can be the best course of action. If your child stumbles, especially in a significant way, remember that you don’t have to tackle it alone.
For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, you might find our other blog posts helpful, like this one about home insemination kits. Remember, asking for help can make all the difference, not just for you, but for your entire family, as you navigate tough times together.
Summary
In this heartfelt account, a mother shares her struggles with her son’s troubling behavior during his freshman year of high school. After discovering he was smoking marijuana and facing multiple suspensions, she realized she needed to seek help—not just for her son, but for herself. With the support of family and a professional therapist, she navigated this challenging period, ultimately fostering a more open relationship with her son. This experience taught her the importance of reaching out for assistance and reminded her that facing obstacles together can lead to healing and growth.