For over a decade, I have been raising children of color in a multiracial family, and it has been both enlightening and challenging. Unfortunately, my experiences have revealed numerous instances where well-meaning white adults unintentionally cross boundaries with my black children through microaggressions.
For those unfamiliar, microaggressions are the subtle, everyday indignities and slights directed toward people of color, often by white individuals who may not recognize the implications of their actions. Here are some common microaggressions that my children frequently encounter:
-
Touching Their Hair
Just last week, while attending a dance recital for my eldest, a white woman noticed my second daughter’s freshly braided cornrows, adorned with cotton-candy blue threads. She exclaimed her admiration and, before my daughter could respond, reached out to touch her hair. I quickly intervened, telling her firmly, “Please don’t touch.” She withdrew her hand, surprised, and apologized immediately.
Regardless of intent, it’s essential to recognize that a child’s hair is not an object for display or curiosity. Touching a black child’s hair without consent reflects a disregard for their personal space and reinforces white privilege.
-
Mispronouncing Their Names
One day, my daughter returned from school visibly upset. After some snacks, she revealed that her teacher, who had known her for nearly three years, consistently mispronounced her name. Despite my daughter’s attempts to correct her, the teacher persisted. I took this matter to the principal, who assured me she would resolve it. It’s disheartening to see names—integral to one’s identity—disregarded, especially when adults can manage complex names from other cultures with ease.
-
Assuming All Individuals of a Race Look Alike
During a family trip, a woman approached, mistaking my three children for triplets simply because they were all black. In reality, they have distinct features, skin tones, and ages. This misconception is not an isolated incident; many of my friends of color have shared similar experiences where their children are frequently mixed up based on racial stereotypes. Such assumptions strip away individuality and humanity.
-
Interrogating Them
When out running errands, my daughters often receive compliments about their hairstyles, which can lead to intrusive questions. While a kind remark is appreciated, expecting children to answer rapid-fire inquiries about their hair or culture can be overwhelming and uncomfortable. It’s vital to respect their boundaries and allow them to engage on their own terms.
-
Stereotyping Based on Race
During a conversation with friends about my daughter’s dance studio choice, I mentioned ballet; they immediately assumed hip-hop was her preference instead. This reflexive stereotyping limits children of color, boxing them into narrow societal expectations rather than allowing them the freedom to pursue their passions. Children should have the opportunity to explore a variety of interests without being constrained by preconceived notions.
It’s high time we put an end to these microaggressions. Children of color deserve respect, autonomy, and personal space. They are individuals with their own rights and feelings, and it’s crucial we treat them as such. For more insights on this topic, you can check out our other blog post here.
For those interested in fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources, and Mount Sinai provides valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, microaggressions can profoundly affect children of color and it’s essential that we understand and eliminate these behaviors. Respecting their individuality and personal space is crucial in fostering a supportive environment.