When my partner and I welcomed our daughter a decade ago, we made a pact: we would carve out time for just the two of us, despite the demands of parenthood. In our early years, we observed my parents-in-law taking spontaneous trips after their children had grown, while I couldn’t recall my own parents ever vacationing without us.
I knew parents who would leave their kids with relatives or trusted friends for a brief escape, creating essential space to reconnect as a couple. I longed for those moments, but the reality of raising little ones is busy, and planning such getaways requires both time and financial resources. After our son was born, I doubted how often we could actually make this happen.
My supportive partner understood my hesitations but insisted that we deserved time away together. Yes, we were parents, but we were also a couple who needed reminders of our bond beyond the daily chaos created by our kids.
To celebrate our tenth anniversary, just six months after our son’s arrival, we drove down to the Smoky Mountains in December, revisiting the location of our honeymoon. By the time we returned from those few days of blissful rest and stunning views, I was eager to embrace my role as “Mommy” once again.
Although we haven’t been able to escape every year, we’ve managed six kid-free trips, each lasting a few days in destinations we wanted to explore together. We celebrated the 150th anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg by camping and biking through its historic sites. We explored the Bourbon Trail in Kentucky, indulging in my husband’s dream of visiting distilleries. For our fifteenth anniversary, we camped near New Orleans, enjoying two days of incredible cuisine. Our next getaway took us to a condo near Austin, where we discovered the vibrant capital, and most recently, we celebrated my 40th birthday in Las Vegas.
During each trip, we did our best to budget wisely, ensuring we had quality time that didn’t overwhelm our families who were watching our kids. We chose activities that would be challenging to manage with little ones in tow, allowing us to return refreshed and ready to embrace our parenting roles once more.
These adventures have been cherished moments for my partner and me. For those who don’t often travel without their children, it’s easy to have expectations. Sure, uninterrupted intimacy is part of the allure, but it’s about more than that. We reconnect as best friends, enjoy each other’s company, and remember the reasons we fell in love. We actively seek out experiences that excite us both, showcasing how well we know each other.
As our kids grow older, I’ve found myself increasingly focused on ensuring they have enriching experiences. I’ve noticed that my desire for new adventures has become intertwined with planning for family trips. While I still yearn for our own escapades, I acknowledge that I shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to explore places without our children.
This past spring, as I organized our summer vacation and assessed our budget for a potential getaway for just the two of us, I had a realization: we are still entitled to our own experiences, free of the kids. I had become so preoccupied with planning family activities that I neglected to consider what I wanted to do with my partner. The fear of missing out, it turned out, wasn’t for myself, but for my children. This mindset often leads parents to over-schedule their kids and prioritize their experiences over their own marriage.
While I wholeheartedly believe in family vacations, I’ve come to understand that it’s not solely my responsibility to ensure my kids experience everything in their formative years. My role is to inspire a love of exploration and learning that they will carry with them into adulthood.
Thus, I’ve returned to daydreaming about the destinations I want to visit sans kids. The possibilities are endless, and while some dreams may have to wait a decade, I’m done believing that our adventures must always include the whole family. These short getaways remind our kids of the importance of our relationship, setting a foundation for their future partnerships.
In summary, I’ve realized the importance of prioritizing kid-free trips to nurture my relationship, allowing us to maintain our connection and model a healthy partnership for our children.
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