Updated: March 4, 2021
Originally Published: June 14, 2019
We never intended to co-sleep, but here we are. During my first pregnancy, I spent countless hours creating a charming dinosaur-themed nursery for my son, Oliver. By the time he arrived, everything was set: his room was filled with adorable décor, a crib, a plush rocker, and outfits galore. I was ready for him to sleep in his space.
But Oliver never actually used that lovely crib. We relocated before he had a chance, and by the time we settled into our new home, he was already 18 months old.
Upon meeting my baby, I unexpectedly embraced co-sleeping. I thought it would last only a few months, but as the days turned into years, moving Oliver to his own room felt less pressing. He was so tiny, and it was comforting to see him peacefully sleeping nearby. When he grew old enough to climb into our bed for a midnight cuddle, we didn’t mind. We welcomed him.
When our second child, Leo, arrived, we didn’t even bother to set up a nursery. Instead, I created a cozy nook in our bedroom for him, knowing he’d be close by for a while. At that point, Oliver was still sleeping in our room full-time, just a little over three years old.
Now, Oliver is six, and Leo is three. They share a room, and most nights, we tuck them into their own bed. They often drift off together, but I frequently wake up to find at least one of them nestled on a pillow bed on the floor of our room. Some nights, they prefer to sleep in our space, so we set up the pillow beds early, and they snooze in our room. Occasionally, we even all pile into bed together, especially during thunderstorms or after movie nights, with pillows and blankets scattered everywhere.
While we cherish this arrangement, co-sleeping beyond infancy invites a variety of opinions. Many people don’t grasp why we allow it or the logistics involved.
There’s a common misconception that co-sleeping is synonymous with bed-sharing. In reality, co-sleeping simply means sharing a room, while bed-sharing involves sharing a sleeping surface. When I mention that our sons sleep in our room, some visualize the entire family crammed into one bed every night, which is not our approach. That scenario would be a nightmare for me! Sure, the kids sometimes fall asleep in our bed, but I gently move them to their own beds before I turn in. I love having them close, but I also enjoy sharing a little time with my partner without getting kicked by two little bodies.
Having our children nearby hasn’t negatively impacted our marriage. We still have plenty of private moments for conversation, affection, and intimacy. If the kids are in our room, we simply find other places to connect. From couches to closets, and even the kitchen table, we’ve got options for keeping the romance alive.
Some assume that my anxiety drives my desire to have my kids close at night. While I appreciate being able to see and hear them easily, that’s not the primary reason behind our co-sleeping dynamic. My husband and I are flexible; we don’t mind when they join us, but we don’t actively encourage it. Our main goal as parents is to ensure our children feel secure and comfortable enough to rest well.
One frequent criticism I encounter is the belief that co-sleeping will result in overly dependent children who won’t learn to sleep independently. I believe children naturally develop independence over time, and their sleeping arrangements don’t hinder that growth. Nurturing a secure attachment can actually support their future independence.
I mean, when was the last time you met an adult who couldn’t leave home because they had to sleep on their parents’ bedroom floor? It’s simply not a concern. I want my kids to feel comfortable flopping down at the foot of my bed whenever they need to. I’m happy to comfort them through fevers, storms, and nightmares now, hoping it lays the groundwork for them to trust me later with the bigger issues in life.
We’re completely confident that allowing our children to sleep in our room when they need to is the right choice for our family. Of course, this approach may not suit everyone. If co-sleeping disrupts your marriage, prevents restful sleep for anyone, or just feels annoying, then it’s probably not the best fit for your family. But in our home, the door is always open for our kids, and that’s just the way we like it.
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Summary:
Co-sleeping was never part of our original plan, but it has become a cherished part of our family routine. As our two boys, Oliver and Leo, navigate their nighttime needs, we’ve found that having them close fosters security and comfort. While some may question our approach, we believe it nurtures their independence and strengthens our bond. Every family is different, and what works for us may not suit others, but in our home, there’s always space for our little ones.