Recently, my partner Alex and I hosted a young couple for dinner who were friends from our community. They were in their early 20s and had just welcomed their first child, a one-month-old baby. As parents of three, with our youngest being five, we exchanged stories about sleepless nights, diaper mishaps, and the many challenges that come with caring for infants. At one point, I casually mentioned, “I really dislike the infant stage.”
Alex, sitting beside me, sighed in agreement. The couple exchanged glances of disbelief, and one of them asked, “Is it okay to feel this way? Because I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed.”
Honestly, they had plenty of reasons to be overwhelmed. The mom had recently undergone a C-section and was trying to balance her recovery while caring for a newborn, while her partner was working long hours. Their tired eyes and stained shirts told the story of their stressful days — evidence of baby spit-up, perhaps, or worse.
In that moment, I was transported back to my own early days as a father, holding my little boy, who would only sleep if I cradled him like a football on the couch. I remember feeling so exhausted that I’d doze off in class or while waiting tables, waking up disoriented and confused.
Let’s face it: babies don’t exactly express gratitude. There are no smiles or hugs to reward your efforts, just a tiny human that demands your full attention and care, completely oblivious to your exhaustion or other responsibilities.
Don’t misunderstand me; I adore my children and wouldn’t trade them for anything. They have profoundly changed me and taught me the true meaning of love. Yet, the infant stage is nothing short of chaotic. It’s a time filled with sleepless nights and constant uncertainty, where you yearn for a break but can never seem to find one, so you carry that little bundle of joy around with you.
I realize some parents might be shocked by my honesty. Many people rave about the joys of the infant stage, often portraying it as a beautiful bonding experience. If you’re one of those who cherish those moments, that’s wonderful! But for those of you who find yourselves wishing for your baby to do something beyond crying and soiling diapers, I want you to know: you’re not alone. It’s perfectly fine to feel this way.
During our dinner, I could see the new mom’s uncertainty. It was clear she felt torn, wanting to embrace motherhood but also struggling with the challenges it presented. I opened my mouth to reassure her, but Alex beat me to it. “Many moms don’t immediately fall into the rhythm of motherhood,” she said. “Every parent has their favorite stage. Right now, I’m loving the preteen years, but I could easily skip the infant phase.”
“Yes,” I added. “It’s completely normal to find the newborn stage tough. You’re still great parents regardless of how you feel.”
I can’t claim that our candid admission made their parenting journey any easier, but I did notice a visible sigh of relief. Hearing experienced parents acknowledge the struggles of the infant stage seemed to lighten their burden.
For more insights into parenting and the ups and downs of early childhood, you might want to explore our other posts, such as those found at this blog.
In conclusion, while some parents find joy in the infant stage, it’s equally valid to feel otherwise. Every stage of parenting has its challenges, and acknowledging them doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you human.