Last week, my 21-year-old son, Ben, strolled into the kitchen and asked if I could assist him in making a cup of coffee. If you’re familiar with the convenience of a Keurig machine, you know it’s quite straightforward. Just open the lid, pop in a K-cup, select the desired cup size, and hit “Brew.” Simple enough, right?
But Ben is my firstborn. He was the one who reaped the benefits of having an eager and youthful mom, always ready to lay out his clothes for the next day, trim the crusts off his sandwiches, and peel his apples. Now, I struggle to even remember to buy apples, let alone peel them.
So, I held back a chuckle when he asked for coffee help, but as he sat down and started scrolling on his iPhone, it dawned on me—he didn’t really want to learn how to make coffee; he simply wanted me to do it for him.
“Alright,” I said, “you need to walk over to the machine and open it.” I guided him through the process, and before long, he was happily sipping his coffee.
Not long after, my 11-year-old son, Leo, entered the kitchen and whipped up an omelette. He expertly heated a pan, cracked an egg into a bowl, added some egg whites, sprayed the pan with cooking spray, and cooked his breakfast. He even doused it in hot sauce while watching his favorite show and enjoying hot chocolate made with the Keurig.
The contrast between my first and fourth child never ceases to amaze me. Leo has thrived in a somewhat neglected environment. Meanwhile, my overprotectiveness stunted Ben’s desire to do things independently, even though he is quite capable. He proved that today when I dropped him off to catch the bus for his summer internship. This job requires business-casual attire and a grown-up demeanor. It took my breath away to see him standing at the counter, pouring a bowl of cereal, looking like a true adult.
I won’t pretend there wasn’t a fair amount of guidance leading up to his first day at work. We shopped for professional clothes, purchased his monthly bus pass, and even did a test run to find a parking lot where he could park for free. Figuring out the bus schedule was a bit tricky for him since he had never navigated anything like this before. His younger siblings have had it easier, learning from his experiences in everything from music lessons to college applications—he’s been the trailblazer.
It was a strange feeling to watch him get out of my car and blend into the crowd waiting for the bus. A part of me wanted to jump out and ensure he was on the right one, but I resisted and drove away, watching his new jacket disappear from view.
Later, he texted me to let me know he was on the bus (thumbs-up emoji). “Thanks for the ride and everything else, Mom,” he wrote, complete with heart emojis. I could tell he genuinely appreciated it. Despite our occasional disagreements, he knows I’m always in his corner.
I recognize there’s a fine line between being a helicopter parent and genuinely supporting my children. I hope I’m leaning toward the latter. By the time Leo heads out into the world in a decade, I expect there will be less hand-holding involved, thanks to the lessons learned from his older brothers.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. For now, I’m grateful to still have my little boy who will wrap his arms around me for no reason, sing loudly in the shower, and sometimes forget to use shampoo.
Time flies. One moment you’re handing your child a juice box, and the next, it’s a commuter mug. People often say it, but when you’re deep in the trenches of parenting, it can feel like it will never end. Then, suddenly, it starts to wind down, leaving you bewildered.
I’m looking forward to picking him up later and hearing about his day while I prepare dinner to celebrate his milestone. He may have traded his skateboard for dress pants, but he’ll always be my baby.
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Summary:
As my eldest son transitions into adulthood, I reflect on the bittersweet nature of parenting. While I cherish the memories of nurturing him, I also feel a sense of loss as he embraces independence. Watching him tackle new challenges reminds me of how quickly time passes, and I look forward to celebrating his milestones while still enjoying the moments with my younger child.