You might have noticed him in various settings: at restaurants, he’s the loud one disrupting other diners; on the first day of school, he’s the child spinning and fidgeting, making you wish he wouldn’t sit next to your little one. When birthday party invitations are handed out, he’s the kid you’d prefer to leave off the list. At soccer practice, he’s the one who raises questions about why his parents even bring him, as he seems uninterested in the game. In the grocery store, he’s the child causing you to give his parents a concerned look, hoping they’ll learn to manage his behavior.
But there’s so much more to that spirited child than meets the eye.
You may not know that since he was just two years old, his parents received constant feedback from preschool that included notes like:
- “During story-time, your child was running around instead of sitting with the others.”
- “He was disruptive during nap time.”
- “He didn’t complete any of his tasks today.”
You may not realize that when his anxious mother first confided in friends and family, they often reassured her with comments like:
- “That behavior is typical for his age.”
- “All boys are energetic!”
- “He’s just so bright that he’s bored!”
During his preschool Christmas performance, he was placed at the back, out of sight, resulting in no memorable videos for his family. Instead of singing the rehearsed songs, he wiggled, jumped, and made silly faces. At his pre-kindergarten graduation, when he recited his line exceptionally well, his mother didn’t cry tears of joy but rather tears of relief.
In kindergarten, he faced expulsion threats for his habit of absentmindedly tugging at the waistband of the little girl in front of him during circle time, leading to an awkward conversation about personal boundaries that he didn’t fully grasp.
His mother has diligently read over ten books on parenting, including those focused on strong-willed children and discipline strategies. She has explored the idea that perhaps more love could tame his wildness, or maybe love could be the key to “curing” him.
You might not see that his parents have created a structured, loving, and nurturing environment at home with reward charts and discipline measures. When discussing their choice not to medicate him, some might take offense, believing that medication has been a lifesaver for their own kids. On the flip side, others may criticize them, calling medication a poison for children. His mother often feels torn about these conversations and keeps her options open concerning medication.
His father, an avid soccer fan, dreams of bonding with his son through the sport, even though the child shows more interest in lying in the grass or getting tangled in the goal’s net than kicking a ball.
He often finds himself excluded from birthday celebrations, despite wanting to be part of the fun. His mother can recognize the signs when ADHD manifests, noticing when his gaze drifts and he appears lost. There have been moments when, out of frustration, she has slapped him to regain his attention, leaving her filled with guilt.
His mother continually reminds herself that ADHD is a genuine disorder, a hormonal imbalance affecting attention. For him, a blade of grass can seem as captivating as an oncoming soccer ball. His parents navigate the delicate balance of compassion for their child’s condition while enforcing rules and expectations, all while trying to teach him how to integrate into a society that often lacks patience for children like him.
Even though his mother tries to highlight the positive aspects of ADHD, this child is aware of his differences and has expressed his frustration, crying out, “I hate ADHD! I pray to God to take it away, but he doesn’t!”
So, the next time you observe a child behaving wildly, accompanied by a weary-looking parent, remember: there’s likely a lot more to their story than you realize.
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Summary: This piece sheds light on the often misunderstood behaviors of children labeled as ‘difficult.’ It highlights the struggles their parents face, the societal perceptions they encounter, and the internal conflicts that arise from navigating a world that can be unkind to children with conditions like ADHD.